Riding the Wave

Finally crashed last night (Sat Morning) hard after only 5 hours in the previous 2 nights. Today has been a decent day woke up to phone going off as it had all morning it showed. Sponsor texted me as I was waking up saying she had to cancel do to toothache which was fine it gave me an extra hour of so to collect myself. I met with Meredith, Johnny, and Alyssa in West Oakland for my first East Bay ride. and we did a 25 mile to Richmond, See blog www.alckat.blogspot.com for more details. Tried eating this morning had to force 2 pieces of wheat bread and a glass of milk down. Still haven't eaten at 1am as I right this, not even a shake, I  barely eat, I cook I eat some and I want to throw up but I don't. I am diabetic and a cyclist i have to eat and I am going crazy I like food.  Not hungry most time and when I am food repulse me.  I am not that self conscious I don't think about my weight where i would be dealing with eating disorders. I took a shower and crashed for a bit when I got home from riding and really did not want to go to the meeting tonight but I have a commitment and while my head said one thing, my heart said another, and my body said another, and the voices where in all directions and spectrum. My anxiety was already was to a 4 or 5 with Giants winning and craziness already erupted on the street and I new Castro and everywhere in this city was going to be crazy with giants winning and this being Halloween weekend. So I went from 5 to 8 to 3 with my anxiety and such tonight proud if myself for controlling emotions had a few people on call just in case and utilized my skill tool box to keep for most part calm so I did not have to call anyone love distress tolerance did reach out while I was at a 5 and secured ride after my meeting so I did not have to risk any episodes on public transportation. I got to meet Kaylee's (the gangs karen) husband who came to visit her this weekend as she has been down here from eureka doing the program. I am really happy I validated my emotions was aware and utilized the skills i learned in the program, this is a big step for me, and just rode the wave and dealt with it.  I hung out with Kaylee and her husband a bit.  came home watrched once upon a time as catch up from last week. the gratitude meeting was wonderful and I am grateful i went and was able to celebrate others milestones and give them their chips. I also found out which has me emotional in a good way that an anonymous person paid for my ticket to the Clean and sober retreat I am going to next weekend where I will be celebrating 4 months on that day.  I am grateful for blogging i noticed i posted more than i wanted today on facebook which should have stuck to blog but its a process.  i need to eat something otherwise i am going to get sick and i need to try to get some sleep as i have church in morning and my Sunday School Class as well.