Road to IMsTL 2015 #IAmKat

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring? We fight for equality, we fight against fascism or is it really for? We so much want to fit in, to mainstream, and in doing so we allow cultures, history, legacy to be assimilated until we annihilate the very essence of what sets us apart, makes us unique, the heart and soul that drove us to connect in the first place.  Where dark seedy bars were once a sanctuary of mutual understanding, interconnectedness, a place of history and legacy that we push and force into the light of progress; Progress that comes with a heavy price. While we are in a sexual awakening and a renaissance of self-discovery and identity, and with social media and cultural pacifying where everyone needs to be politically correct and rampant fear of saying the wrong things in order to not offend someone, the LGBTQQHHIPAA, kink, and leather umbrellas have become rich in diversity, a safe harbor for identities, welcoming and inclusive and we have become a void.

I was recently afforded with the opportunity to take my first trip to the Tom of Finland House and Foundation at the urgency of SF LDG’s committee chair Graylin Thorton and his introduction to Durk at the SF LDG Fetish Fair the previous weekend at the Citadel in San Francisco, California. This chance for an interview has turned out to be more than just a history lesson, it was more than an education, and it was a lesson in legacy and identity, my identity as a leather woman. I have been taught it is important to preserve the leather legacy and history so we can understand the richness and treasure of it.

What I witness at the Tom of Finland House, was a place that History and legacy was sacred, but I also learned just by observing some things brought into the light would do more harm than good and not only taint the gifts and legacy given to us, but who are we to tell another their journey, their life, who they are as a leather person is wrong, or needs to change.

We [leathermen, foundational speaking] were outcasts seeking asylum among a band of brothers, in whom relied upon the experiences of one another in order that these men had a place to call home, a place to have their needs met, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, physically. This sacred Brokeback leather understanding carried one another in a code of mutual understanding, commitment, and exploration that not even this article could capture, it was something that could only be experienced by those who were there, and those they chose to pass on a code of identity, silence, emptiness, survival, and life.

Tom of Finland is more than a pseudonym for great erotic art, it is an embodiment of coming out as a leather man, leather woman , leather person; it’s the embodiment of identity. It is a lesson though, as there is a time when one needs to be the protector and say it is not okay to have our identity lost.

The Leather community is not the 50 shades of get me of Daddy, or beat me Sir, or what little I can wear; we need to recognize there is something more deeply rooted behind the pageantry of titles the service we provide, the outreach and education we provide, the person we have sex with, who looks hot in leather, or can be fisted the longest. It is more than the ghosts of the rise and fall of the AIDS epidemic. It is about daring to be different, unique, finding ourselves and exploring. It is about recognizing by kink and identity is yours, and yours isn’t mine and no one should be able to force theirs on another and rob them of something precious, as we have allowed too many to be eager in bring the moral and kink police, the Republicans and Right Wing Christians fascists of the Leather Community. It is about honoring those who have become enriched in our leather wholeness, and being a living tributary to those decadence of leather heritage.

I'm not well traveled and my scope of knowledge is very limited. But why must I, as a lot of women are, be subject to a system of morals imposed by people who do not understand kink or me especially, we say it is okay to fight and defend myself against the government to tell people not to tell me what I can and cannot do my body, what to believe how to believe it; And yet We the People of the Leather/Kink community in order to form a more perfect safe place for outcasts, defend right for individuality, welfare, a sense of decency, uniqueness, and a place to find safety and escape must control and put restrictions, and be pc in our interactions because someone is self-entitled. I'm grateful for the many aspects inclusive in the leather community; however I don't want everybody to be a fister, I don't want everyone to be into electric, I don't want everyone to be a boot black, I don't want everyone to flogger, etc. I like having my love and the world I live in outside of the leather community contradictory to my leather identity and yet very rooted in who I am. I struggled with just having family members part of the same community, it's my refuge. If we do not allow every person to f*ck us or be f*cked by us, then why should other intimate areas of our life be just as exposed or taken from us? Progress can be a means for extinction if we allow ourselves to be assimilated too much and who are we as leather people. Tom of Finland House is rich in diversity but is not a place where one can demand respect and receive it, and I think that should be very adequately the same in our community as a whole. When I enter the community I did 40 different things, I jumped into being of service, I got to know people and it was because I didn't demand respect earned it; but that respects needs to go both ways, it needs to be an understanding that many in our community during a time relied on one another to ban together at times and shared experiences that someone who wasn’t apart of and did not experience hurt, loss of life, and other events can not comprehend what others went through for those who have not been part of the experience has no right to be part of.

I will never understand or get what the WWII veterans coming home went through, I cannot begin to fathom those who lived in the height of the AIDS epidemic and the people that were lost, I cannot fathom what people have gone through and things are not just as simple as bringing people in from the outside; It's almost like a techie trying to tell their chemist friend correct compound for the experiment they working on. There are many things that are edgy others may find offensive and should those who find it offensive be invited to a party or group that doesn’t find it offensive

Do you know who Tom of Finland was? He was you, he was me, he is you, he is me, he's a man of secrets, a man with identity; he's a man, while his art has made him one of the top 5 artist who had impact on the 20th century, who was about giving people a chance of sexual freedom while he was about living his identity. He was about being open about his sexuality. We are losing our dark spaces because we are allowing others to shut slut shame us. I learned while we can be a diverse inclusive space as the Tom of Finland House is comprised of multiple identities. However donning leather, playing at BDSM, forcing yourself into a place and claiming victory when you destroy part of a culture you think you have a right to assume yourself into or belong  to a community a group a club doesn't want to share their family, belief in old guard or new doesn’t necessarily make you a leather person. I can't say someone is or isn’t a leather person, actions and how we interconnect with our community does.

History and culture must be preserved not with our bare hands or outspoken words, but with a tenderness and gloved hands that doesn’t destroy what we have. Progress is inevitable, but keeping our dark spaces are just as important.  Know your History, don’t assume you know it, research and ask.  There is a deeper blood line, and when one can get past the ideal of mainstreaming, and people pleasing, we can learn and know there is comfort in the dark spaces. I’m not a borg and I don’t think resistance is futile, resistance and a good fight is about preservation.

To celebrate the importance of erotic art and preservation and legacy, San Francisco Leathermen's Discussion Group (LDG) is hosting a Tom of Finland Foundation Reception and Erotic Art Silent Auction on September 23, 2015 from 6:30pm to 9:30pm at the SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street. Durk will be delivering a presentation that one should not miss, and It will be an evening like no other.

Keep an eye out for my interviews with Durk, Toni, and Marc from the Tom of Finland Foundation