#IAmKat - Real Intent: Jumping over the Moon: February 2015

Friday, February 27, 2015

36 Questions to Bring You Closer Together

I found this research thanks to last night's episode of "The Big Bang Theory- S8 Ep16-The Intimacy Acceleration"

These questions only take about 45 minutes to discuss—and they almost always make two people feel better about each other and want to see each other again, according to social psychology researcher Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University in New York, who published his results in "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness" inPersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin(1997).

For full text of research follow this link and download full PDF for free

http://m.psp.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.abstract

You can try these questions with a date, but they're not necessarily only applicable to fostering romance. You can also try them with people you already know well—friends, family members, even long-term partners—to deepen your ties

Here they are, in order:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel mostgrateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "we are both in this room feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

... and a few variations:

If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it?

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?

While on a trip to another city, your spouse/lover meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and could never otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Day 10-12 Post surgery February 20-22, 2015

Day 10-12 I rely too much on Facebook as being my virtual blog, and when one gets put in the "Facebook Jail" it becomes as if you been quarantined for having some type of plague and cutting you off from the world, from your communities. It was as if my life was sucked out of me as it has been my communication as I am relatively housebound with out a vehicle or ride somewhere. I posted a picture of Tom of Finland that I penciled Sketched on my Leather page as well as a member of the community and someone reported it as nudity. No notice that the was being reviewed. Picture was deleted and I was blocked for 3 days from posting, all because of art, a sketch. The problem is Facebook has no set guidelines on how moderators moderate, simply the punishment If any is up to each moderator and their personal biases. I sent a message saying how I disagree with being blocked, careless if picture us removed but as someone who just had major surgery and stuck at home it was my communication and how I can ask for help and let people know what and how I am doing. No response still in jail. This was Thursday evening. Love how art is being censored now. #stopartcensorship

The issue truthfully it was a homoerotic art piece from a new series I'm doing. At attached

So after freaking out about it Thursday I've been in a non Facebook rut something I've depended on to post my daily selfies and capture my life in my virtual journal, I found myself trapped in rumination and dependence of Facebook limit my writing and updating.

I'm still having healing pain and the bruising and swelling are going down. Things are looking very well. Pain is still manageable. Motrin and ice are still my reign.

Friday Day 10 I treated myself to a massage, Pandora came over and gave me one. It's been several years since I've had a full massage. Chris came over and helped my go grocery shopping. Then Tonka, Chris and I went to Dennys.

Saturday, Day 11. Today was 5 years since I found our since I was HIV positive. Usually it's filled with emotion, and today it is like okay, just another day. I had spaced it until a friend reminded me a day before.

I cooked bacon wrapped Italian pork chops and tortellini for dinner, it was so nice to cook a home cooked meal versus eating out or ordering take out

I noticed as I went to dilate than at the bottom of the vaginal opening the incision and stitches did not take and creating some uncomfortable openings. I texted Marci Bowers last night and sent her a picture . She told me to come into her office Monday.

Day 12. So Sunday now the 22nd of February. I ventured out today on my own. I took Lyft to BART and from BART caught a Cab to church. ( have to avoid bus still. It's been awhile since I have been to my ward as I have been working and I have so missed the calming and the spirit here for me. I love living in a time scriptures are available for all people, I'm watching a dear sister read from a braille copy and it is so warming of the heart. Today in Sunday school we are talking about miracles. I'm exhausted already as we round second hour of church, Relief Society ending. A long day ahead. I speak tonight 7pm at a sober tweaker meeting. I'll rest as best I can a Castro country Club.

Need to get use to smells and such.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Day 1-9 post surgery February 19,

Day 9. Today I find myself taking life passionately sucking the nectar of life, and celebrating the inner goddess. Carpe Diem (with a resounding battle cry YAWLP) Last night I sketched for the first time in a long time and did a Tom of Finland for my boys. Today I find myself emotionally charged when it comes to people making judgements on others when they do not know their back story just going off what they see. Today I see the beauty of life precious and bask in a non drug induced nirvana. The power within just radiates and continues to only get stronger, and becomes more focused in clarity and wisdom. I'm healing well and occasionally get the jolts of electricity along the seams as the stitches dissolve and the body mends.

I'm in my sweats today, comfortable, but sweats mean no judgement, when I learned the importance of self care especially in early sobriety sweats became a ground and tool I was not allowed to judge myself. But glad to be extra nice to myself.

Had a nice meeting with Madame Steele finally synergy on some home fronts and the tempest should die now and diffusion is under way.

I'm hungry who wants to do dinner

Day 8. Finally got out bed took a shower and now back in bed lol. Yet to make it to the couch. I'm walking okay, doing well, mentally, spiritually, and physically do well all things considering but I'm feeling helpless. It's funny how independent you realize you are when you are left depending on the kindness, generosity and time of others. I need to rely on people to take me places since I don't have a car, nor am I allowed to take public transportation (unless as last resort) for a few weeks until bruising heals and I'm not fatiguing by the the stimuli of being out. Wish I had a vehicle. Meetings are limited in going, and errands and Dr appointments. I need to go grocery shopping as no food in the house. Creating a care calendar bore no fruit as to help with these needs. It's hard to ask for help as well.

Company is nice just need low key and calm.

Other than this as soon as I get out of bed and transfer to the couch I need to do some writing. Transfer a lot of things to my blog and youtube. It's another great day just fatigued

Day 7 Did I really just have surgery a week ago? Other than the occasional pain, and fatiguing pretty easy it is as if nothing changed, and that is amazing as someone who was living her life to begin with. One thing i haven't taken into account, until now when it come to my recovery is I am HIV+ and I need to spend even more time resting because I it is going to take even longer for me to heal. Getting out is great and all but I push myself harder than I should. I should not have been out this weekend. Stephan Steffanides came over to clean my place as a way just because he wanted b to help out. We tackled my bedroom and closet. Went through all my papers. Threw away a lot of stuff, he was a godsend. I'm trying to fine my birth certificate and my IPad both which are mia. I really need visitors to keep me from going stir crazy. Meetings would be nice brought here as I'm limited on one's to attend without being picked up at the moment. Being picked up for a meeting tonight. Still looking for help with meals and waiting for temp disability to kick in can't keep ordering delivery. Just ordered grubhub. I realize I'm limited on comfortable clothing for this recovery process. Skirts, sweats and such and loose shirts I need to find. Pants are too tight.

I'm relaxing on the couch watching Mulan for the couple hundredth time when I have a whole list of movies watch I haven't seen.

Anyone have an entertainment center they are looking to get rid of, mine is about to collapse.nA desk and book case in search of as well.

Positive Affirmation. I love the reflection in the mirror inside and out, once I Became true to my heart, and begin loving myself the whole self I was allowed to unlock life's gifts and blessings for my life. I have been able to find freedom and found how to live authentically without the need to hide. I endured and traveled through darkness, and what I thought to be the fires of hell, when I asked the Divine for a light I found myself sour out not in darkness but communities of support and love as the fires were simply of the refiner and I was simply being smoothed and polished from my self perceived jagged and blemished self. These blemishes and imperfections were neither as I was created and mined in perfection, just had to be willing to open my eyes to see both the raw and the polish I have always been beautiful.

Day 6: Good Morning. Last Night was my worst night since surgery. I'm literally waddling. There is a lot of pressure, thankfully the packaging comes out in a couple hours with the catheter. Drenched from night sweats, I was too cold without blankets and too hot with. Well I have had my first major surgery. Other that nothing could be more perfect

#@&#*!@! Okay slight pain shift banged my foot on the wooden aquarium cabinet in a quick hobble to bathroom. It must be Monday

The last 6 days Have Been the easiest and simplest time in my life. All I had to do was surrender. I've been through worse pain in the last 32 years of my life than in the last 6 days of synergy and freedom. Pain relatively nothing. I grew up among the thorns as a rose bud waiting to bloom. Every day since last Tuesday I made decisions that allowed me to remain clear headed unabashed by drugs or mind altering substances. I gave my self the gift of being present during the process which wasn't easy to do but it was and is amazingly rewarding in itself. The pain was manageable because my life had become manageable before this and was a process and act of love over the last year and so. I Crack jokes but I'm experiencing many first times that feel strange, new, exciting, inquisitive but more natural than the 32 years leading up to this. Maybe it's the just being blessed with the right mind set or maybe it's the newness but I have never felt more connected to my Heavenly Father and Divine as I do now. I feel balanced and at peace, and interconnected with the world around me. My senses are opened and heighten and the third eye is awake. I'm a kid at Christmas but a woman empowered in duality and today I am alive

Day 5. Restless night. Motrin and ice did not quite suffice. Find out this morning a lot more bruising. I know the body is just healing. I've been doing OTC 400 MG every 4-6 hours wondering if that is to low of a dose. Surviving with out Dilatin or morphine, I got this. Pain is relatively manageable. Grateful that I'm putting my sobriety first. The say this hurts.less than a beast augmentation. We will just have to see won't we. The packaging inside about all 27 feet of it and the catheter is truthfully the most uncomfortable thing, pressure is the real enemy. It all comes out tomorrow thankfully.

Mentally I'm doing amazing and it feels like the most natural thing I have ever done. I'm grateful. Somewhat exhausted today and that is okay.

Today was a beautiful day. Took it easy and now down for the evening. Beautiful brunch thank you Deborah, Schon, Irish, and the gang for inviting us. Spent the day with Christopher Raisbeck and it was a great afternoon of interconnectedness. He had to run to Berkeley to retrieve something, and so we talked, laughed, interconnected, and he was a true nursemaid. Words can't describe today and let's just say sacred. I bought a Mr Coffee Keurig as a post surgery gift and house warming. I was taken to whole foods for some holistic approach with healing, and gifted with a trip to the Sacred Well and bought some tools for my altar. I haven't added anything to my altar in, quite some time, and blessed to add some things to represent new beginning and to preserve my legacy and duality. Paid the PG&E and Comcast. And paying the cell and 3 weeks of rent a center. That leaves me with about 200. Grateful for the gifts of the Divine and Life design

Day 3 So I am awake. For awhile im just have to get used to sleeping intermittently. In about 4 hours all my dressing gets removed. And then the revealing. Regardless there is no going back, but 27 years later I think I'm okay with that. Removing the dressings, and packing should help decrease the pain as I'm packed tighter than a suitcase going to IMsL/IML. I'm grateful to have recovery time in sobriety underneath me as we talk about not doing any substantial life changing or life altering moves in the first year. Lord knows I did my fair share as it is. I don't recommend this surgery in your first year, I don't recommend it until one could find out what it truly means to love ones self and find that inner happiness. The pain alone at times could easily move you to thoughts of using, and to use would cheapen the experience and also create a nest to birth regrets and animosity towards one self. This is one of my miracles of sobriety, or doesn't change who I am, but it respects the creator within and is celebratory Of a long process and a beautiful journey. So now I lay here and try to go back to sleep.

Day 1 day of surgery

Thank you Heavenly Father, for loving me, supporting me, carrying me in my valleys. You have brought me to the mountain top and I have been privileged in seeing the humanness of life In all people. I'm grateful for being a recovering addict, experienced homelessness, and I'm grateful for being given the opportunity to choose this journey in the pre-existence and being a special angel and witness of love and hope to those around me especially in the LDS Community. Thank you Divine Father for my life, my wholeness and the ability to love and be loved. Thank you for the allowing me to be a bridge builder within the Mormon Church and have my faith be all encompassing serve my communities as an interfaith chaplain of love and peace. Good night. I am one of the lucky ones. Thank you for a supportive family, and my communities and tribes that complete me.

Blessings of peace, light, healing and gratitude I send as a gate keeper and light worker into the universe. May I be gifted with the ability to continue be the miracle in my sobriety, being present for myself and for other addicts and people as a whole. In honor of the Holy Family, Heavenly Father, Mother God, Lord Immanuel I ask for comfort and shroud of protection for your hand maiden and witness over my mind, body and spirit.

Blessed be, Namaste Good Night

Katerina du Lac, the Phoenix Rising

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Let's not pass judgment- social media rant

Headline On a scale 1-10 how dumb to you have to be to go through with this .....?-Batty Posted on Facebook by 91.9 Sea FM

I am seeing comments condemning this. People think it's gross or stupid, or encouraging people not to do this. .... but..... my opinion and we all have one just like we have butt holes

"Not for me, but I appreciate self expression. I like looking at the world behind bars mentality, but who is to say this is stupid. At least piercings can come out. Tattoo last forever or until laser. In many cultures body piercing is art and or a right of passage. Unfortunately in my line of work I could not hire him, but I love the individuality and passion behind it. Sometime we pass judgement without knowing the story or reason why behind it. And often times what we at first thought was stupid, disgusting, or freakish in fact has a beautiful and heart felt story behind it. One that is often about transformation, self love, courage, healing, and living. I would love to hear his story. Maybe he has a family member behind bars or he feels like he is caged and trapped in a world of judgement maybe his family is falling apart, or maybe he is trapped in the closet, abused or...... any other possible infinite reasons positive and negative. Let's not pass judgement because we do not know."

To response must be missing life behind bars

"we don't know if he was in jail he could have a family member, or he could be against the police state we are living in, or maybe he has another reason. .... tattoos and body piercings are expression all art every piece has a personalized meaning. This is a picture we don't know his meeting and this was probably stolen of his Facebook or somewhere as it was"

Also in response to we can see why he can't get a date.

" he could have a bf or gf husband or wife, he could be a father we don't know. It's a judgement like that we are passing just like people who judge our kink or sexuality. We don't know the whole picture just what someone presented us"