Posted originally November 14, 2014 in Facebook group called "PrEP Facts: Rethinking Hiv Prevention and Sex" At this time I have not shopped it around for publication, but would to get it out there. if you have any ideas for publication please let me know.
I am an HIV+ woman and I am a PREP supporter and advocate. While I am empowered these days because of HIV and I choose a better life, HIV still scares me. I know how HIV can and can not be contracted, I know all about condoms, protections, and lube. The fact is the human condition plays an integral part. I want love in my life, to be loved and to love so why should I limit myself to the thinking I can only find happiness only with another person who is positive. Any relationship I am in my partner will have to be a PREP user. Why? is it because I am looking to party, act irresponsible, or simply looking for an easy way out? In fact it is the exact opposite, it is being responsible. Condoms break, sometimes or often times in the heat of passion especially in relationship or marriage you get caught up in the ecstasy of the moment, but more importantly I need another barrier whether condoms are used or not to protect the one I love from experiencing the pain, sickness, and problems I experience being HIV+.
What is PREP? “PrEP” stands for Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. The word “prophylaxis” means “to prevent or control the spread of an infection or disease.” PrEP is a way for people who don't have HIV to prevent HIV infection by taking a pill every day. The pill contains two medicines that are also used to treat HIV.
I use to be on the opposite side of the fence regarding PREP and used arguments such as resistance to the drugs, the lack of adherence. Even if one misses a couple of doses the risk of contracting is slightly lower. The thing is PREP is agreement that while I take my meds and stay undetectable which makes the chances low without PREP, but with PREP it adds to the intimacy and almost completely takes HIV out of the equation.
HIV is not a gift, it is a life changer, a strain on a relationship and giving it to a partner creates hostility even when it is not intentional. Even with open communication HIV doesn't have to have the power. In the early fight we lost family, friends, loved ones, our communities. Because of the warriors of the early fight we have Knights taking a stand and fighting for the right that every person has a chance. If we had a pill 30 years ago, that if offered that would prevent or greatly reduce the risk of contracting it there would have been a line out the door to receive this pill so that people would not have to live in fear. Today we have that pill and people in our own community, who are insecure about themselves and feel that people can not care for themselves, are instilling fear and stigma around something that is saving lives. Why would people not want a solution? The reason, HIV is profitable. Careers have been built around 3 decades of work in fighting for a cure and around prevention. What happens when HIV transmission rates decline? Testing center doors and focus declines, the need for services drop, jobs are phased out, for a disease its a good thing but for wallets its not. Prep takes away funding as numbers decrease and the need decreases. Prep gives people a fighting chance when individuals lie about their HIV status. Prep gives options and allow people a chance to love who they wish and take a barrier away from those of us who are Positive to no longer be something that is bio-hazard, but to become once again simply people and human.
HIV and stigma no longer has to be something to fear, but we need those within our own community to stop selling us out. Our lives are not for sale. I'm sorry, it is a good thing if HIV services fade out to lack of need as well as drug companies lose a major source of revenue. After all aren't we suppose to be saving lives, giving the next generation a better chance and future. PREP gives life, PREP gives hope, PREP is love, PREP is not a Party drug, its a solution until there is a cure.
Lady Katerina
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
NSFW. The healing stages of a neo vagina after SRS (first 33 days)
Statement of intent and Disclaimer. This blog entry is for education purposes only. No picture, material, or quotes may be used without requesting permission from myself. Feel free to share link though. My contact info is below
There will be pictures of a vagina on various stages of healing and may be disturbing to some.
As many have asked me about the healing process and what is like, and since I have the upcoming speaking engagement due to the nature of the topic I find it educational in this matter and not sexual I find no problem in the content.
I'll share a brief synopsis in this post more about life but mostly that will be content for other posts and my book. I will explain the whole process step by step as well. I will be sharing these pictures to UCSF Practitioners in May when I speak at there dinner
***Dilating shown is being used as a medical tool not as a a sexual toy in the pictures where it does show-as for the first year after the 2-3 months dilating 3 times a day then you move to twice a day. After 1st year one just needs to user every so often. Sex can help but doest replace the dilators. Dilation is 15-20 min time commitment holding it in place. It is pertinent you male time for you in the beginning because it will be harder later on if you neglect the key element.
I actually received a call Christmas Eve, a missed call at that, saying they had a cancelation and I was first on the list. Surgery was originally April 2016, now it was January. I called Robin and left message, sent a text message saying yes in disbelief. She text me back we will set it up on January 2. Turns out the person who canceled decided to keep appointment and so I was given the opening on February 10th, 2015 at 7am (first surgery of the day) , which work for me because gave me a month to get ready versus' a couple weeks. It gave me more time nor to leave my job stranded and train my replacement while on FMLA.
I did a count down to surgery post each day on Facebook to check in and be able to be held accountable, it helped do in that check in (those check ins will be in another blog post) Now I'm counting up days. 26 years of waiting and I'm glad it happen now and not anytime before as I spent last year learning how to be there for myself. I hated my reflection in the mirror to the point it made nauseated when it was naked. I came out of a hard run in my last relapse and I was using drugs to degrade the part I hated. Through therapy, DBT, over 6000 selfies I learned to embrace myself as a whole. Today I love my reflection and I went into this living me.
I open about the process so it can help others going through the surgery, recovering from addiction. People tell me how much i am an inspiration to them. I batted depression and mental illness, suicide attempts where my last one I drove my car into a reservoir and when I was able to walk away I said I going to be me and fuck it. My close friend new i was intersex but the student body at university of Utah found out 3 days later at the day of silence.
We are losing to many precious lives of our kids to bullying and suicide and I hope I can be one that can take a stand and let people know there are better options and it can get easier.
I have managed pain simply on ice and 400-800mg of motrin that is all. The Dr was willing to give me Dilantan and my Dr would have given me morphine. But as a recovering addict I thought I'd try without.
And around week 3 started incorporating a heating pad.The most discomfort was the catheter and packaging in me for 6 days (I felt like a clown doing a magic trick as the packaging came or like a Kleenex box) the say a beast augmentation hurts more in recovery. A friend had surgery 2 weeks after me and had augmentation and vaginoplasty done at same time and the pain was in unbearable.
California's Medi-Cal paid for surgery, and surgery was at mills peninsula hospital (part of Sutter Health Systems) in Burlingame, California. Great staff, and nurses on our floor, they treat you with respect and as family. Private rooms with a pull out couch bed for guest to stay with you.
The food was amazing cooked to order when you decide to order, you simply call room service and order from an extensive menu. Beat hospital food ever.
After 6-8 weeks one can have sex if they wish but must take it slowly. Most women will receive any 6-6.5 in depth.
Originally I was told during my preparations that after surgery I would not be able to have caffeine, chocolate, or soda for a week. I about freaked, when asking Dr Bowers that at my Pre-op appointment she informed me that wasn't the case. So first thing I asked for coming out of anesthesia after asking for my phone was coffee. I order a huge meal as well when i got to my room, as there wasn't any nausea from the anesthesia I was okay to eat solid food, which after 24 hour clear liquid diet i was hungry. Another note, Nails don't have to be cut you can wear fake nails and polish in operating room, the machines are advanced enough today to read through them.
I met with Marci Bowers June 8, 2015 and this was the previous surgery consultation
I'm and HIV+ female who is completely open about my status and is HIV Health Educator and Counselor; and even in 34 days people ask me about my status on websitessovial media and dating websites such as Collarspace, Fetlife, and Okcupid;and due to being naive and lack of education I have been able to not only tell them the only possible ways transmission of HIV can occur, but I get to have conversation about condoms, lots of lube if you forgo condoms, but I am huge advocate for PReP. So many guys and women, and even more with trans women and men who either don't know what is, never heard of it, or they been told something different by anti-PrEP campaigns and that it is simply a Party Drug. Regardless if one chooses to use a condom or not (and sex is about thed feel good pleasure, right?), people lie about their status, condoms break, and it's another line of defense to protect yourself and others. PREP is for everyone. Currently it is in the form of Truvada and when you take it one daily as an extra barrier of protection it decreases chances by 92%. For more information link to CDC website is below. #PREP #Truvadawhores
Procedure
1. So in surgery the remove the testicles
2. The separation of the penile skin from penis
3. Isolation of the nerve and vessel bundle, and glands
4 shortening of the urethra and erectile tissue
5.creation and placement of the clitoris
6. Inversion and sewing of the pens skin tube using a vaginal stint
Limitations
1.The vagina is not self lubricating
2.menstruation or period after surgery (just as if a women had an hysterectomy)
3. Not possible to get pregnant or produce biological children (so you can adopt, god knows there are plenty that need homes)
4. Need to dilate for life to keep vagina open (less often after 1st year, unless you are not having sexual intercourse then now regularly)
5. There may be some scaring that may be visible
Healing can take up to a year to be completely done. 6-8 weeks you should be off work because it's not just surgery, but to deal with changes emotionally and physically as well.
By eating healthy and having a good support system and Netflix you can get through this.
I have worked In social services for 13 years work with trouble teens, runaway homeless youth and sexual exploitation of children. As a case manager, social worker, public speaker I have experience the devastating wreckage that happens when parents disown or abuse their children.
I encourage people to check out the Family Acceptance Project and there is a Mormon version as well with the blessing of the First Presidency.
if you need support or have questions regarding HIV/AID's, kink, struggling in addiction and recovery, Trans and LGB issues. Or questions in general just ask. Warning your question may appear in a blog entry if I thought was good enough to share question and response but I will not use your name withoutb permission. I don't know everything but I'll ask if I don't know. I also teach HIV,LGBT and trans safe zone & sensitivity trainings geared toward corporate offices to small classrooms and can travel
Yours truly,
Katerina du Lac
Katerina.dulac@gmail.com
March 22, 2015: adding an edit. it was requested and also suggested that I include a before picture so they can so people can see the drastic change By comparison.
That picture was from about 8 to 10 years ago during my porn acting career
Picture 1. Day 1 - Tuesday, Feb 10, 2015 coming out of anesthesia and surgery. It was emotional time. But will not be able too see results until Thursday. Dr Bowers assured me on a 1-10 scale it was a 13.
Thursday, February 12 - Reveal Day 3. Happy moments. Had to stay in bed from Tuesday -Thursday until the reveal but as soon as I could I made my way to the chair and changed into things more comfortable than hospital gown. I walked around the 4th floor, as we were strongly encouraged to get up and walk, and i was able to move fairly well
Marci Bowers and I on Friday, day 4 checking on things before releasing me to go home.
Day 4. I get to go home
Day 6
Day 6
Day 7-Monday post surgery. At Dr Bowers office to get catheter removed and the 27 feet of packing.
Yes it keep my dilators on my altar. Celebrating the goddess within
Prepping to dilate
There are one of 2 sets of dilators one would be given depending on size. 1-3, or 2-4. The Purple is #1 the smallest, #2 blue. #3 green. Came in a purple leather suede case
Dilation is suppose to be done 2-3 times a day for first 2-3 months. This was Monday after surgery my first dilation
Day 10th
Day 11-Friday night I text Dr Bowers because I noticed separation when I went to dilate. She told me to come in Monday and she would take care of it. This was caused by too much tension from the body.
13 days after surgery.
13 days after surgery.
2 weeks. Woke up to this. Body mucus and blood and KY from dilating before bed night before
Right after clean up day 14
Day 14
Day 15- This is part of the healing, not an infection
23 days after surgery devotion and meditation. Besides moving long enough to take a picture you are holding dilators the whole time in.
28 days, one month-March 10th the stitches are dissolving and that separation is healing
Day 32
,
Day 33 graduated with # 2 dilator, so now I using #2 and #3. should be using #3 by April
March 22, 2015 addition approximately 40 days being to lazy to think. Dilator #3 More than halfway in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)