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Real Intent. Is about being open and honest with what I want in life. Life is a daily battle for me as I live with a disease greater than HIV and that of being an alcoholic and addict. I wish I can blame my slump on the holidays but I have been battleing suicide and mental health for years and its not something anyone understands. I push people away because of it and afraid to let people get close on top of having intimacy problems. I push people away because I am afraid I will ultimately hurt people. I want to live but I want to die too. I dont know who true friends are and feel most people do initial lip service and run away when my lifee gets tough or when i really need them however i dont help in pushing away . very few have not allowed me to push them away which I am grateful for.  I am living in a dazed cloud about life, work, friends, relationships ands such. How can I reconcile my life and have people understand me when I cant understand myself. I am grateful for therapy and finally working on the the trauma and my past. Now I am dealing with an eating disorder where i can barely eat and have to force myself and try not to throw up in the process, my body is fatiguing again and I am tired but for my family, for me I keep on keeping on, as I need to live as long as I can so they dont suffer. I cant even think to right so with that I am of to bed if the craziness below outside and the craziness in my head lets me sleep I am tired sleepwise but have a hard time sleeping

From masquerade in insanity to a Commander and Chief served ala mode

So I can't believe it has been a week and a half since my last post, so much has happened from budding and deeply rooted friendships being made, hurricane Sandy hitting the Eastern Coast,  to the sanity and insanity of 100+ people in the woods for a sober weekend, to the chaos of yet another Presidential Election finally being doused with Obama being served to the public ala mode. So to recap this gap at least I have headlines from facebook I can elaborate on.

So lets start with I live in a wonderful city where people feel they need to light the city on fire, smash bus windows and light them the buses on fire all because the Giants win the World Series again. I am sorry but the Giants need to stop winning because the last two times they won this city has been trashed and burned by so called Giants fans from people who are asininely unable to control their liquor and should be locked up in a mental institution instead, hugging themselves in a straight jacket to protect themselves and the people who have to deal with them from their stupidity and selfish no account white trash selves.  Thank God for facebook because they caught the bastard because of the pictures circulating.  Some good does come from social media. In all seriousness however Congrats to the Giants.

Over next few days Will, Grace (me), Jack, and Karen were inseparable. What great bonds of friendship was formed in lasting bonds of a deep circle a deep connection in friends where our lives will never be the same. Jason, myself, Kaylee, and Joshua are definitely deeply rooted into some forged out of the fires of love, true friendship, understanding, and an agape embrace.

Halloween came around and was unleashed with the Giants Victory Parade Chaos what an appropriate day for it. I used this day as a time to vote as well. However little did I know how eventful this day was going to be. I was basically instead of the drowsy chaperone I was the sober chaperone bar wench and designated driver watching 4 different people at one time, one hooked up, one got plastered, the other off and on and had fun, and the other had her drink drugged, needless to say it was an interesting night.

That weekend following..............