Transgender Surgery and Services are a fundamental and Basic Human Right #IAmKat

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t."-  Legally Blonde

The human condition Is a road map and blueprint to living a standard of care and quality of life. We must stop making laws and judgments governing another's life and body and as humans do all we can to help improve the lives of others. We spend more money decreasing the quality of life of others than investing in the quality of living for people

As human beings we are often judgmental and condescending to others even if not our intent and we expect people to just accept what we have to say when often have no idea what we are talking about. I find myself saying one needs to love themselves first before one goes through with surgery, that internal work needs to be done first. While yes this is in truth is part of the solution, it is also quite dangerous sexism and discriminatory practice being put out there especially by non trans and intersex individuals to push others around and force their ideals of gender on people.

We have no idea how surgery affects and effects another person. For me I worked through a lot of trauma, self hate, addiction, and really learned how to love myself. However one of the first things from my vaginoplasty in Feb was that I woke up from a bad dream and was the most natural thing. Reflection on the last 8 months shows that I have had more confidence, joy, empowerment, and my quality of life has improved 1000% and I am far more comfortable in my own skin.  2 days ago I had my breast augmentation done and while I did not think it would change my life and simply had it done because insurance was paying for it I notice there is even more confidence and my endorphins are radiating

It is hard to love oneself when you are not happy. To have felt you have been trapped in the wrong body or when you look in the mirror nothing lines up. When people judge you based on your looks what you have or don't have, it's hard to see yourself in any other light. Even myself just 2 days after breasts their is confidence in not wearing a bra especially a non padded one. There is noticeable change in countenance I can't describe or did not think was even possible as I thought I was sitting on top of the world.

I implore people to have compassion and not judge another's journey especially those who are Transgender, intersex, or non gender conforming because whole dealing with mental health issues because most of these individuals are kept in discriminatory, prejudicial and criminal financial situations by our government and society keeping people in poverty so they can't get the surgeries and procedures they need or provide for basic care and needs with makeup, clothes, laser and things that just allow others to feel comfortable in themselves.

As a society we undercut over and over the quality of life of transgenders. And we claim to be allies but at times we turn our backs on Pleas of others because we are tired of their poor me, woes me, negative light talk and feel they are just users who want attention. It's not about wanting the attention it is just about wanting to be happy to survive it's about trying to live. Surgery whether breasts, vaginoplasty or both raise endorphines and creates an instant vehicle for happiness and joy. Poverty and criminalization of sex workers, bathroom policing is no different than rape if not worse.

Surgery and services and we need more like hair, clothes, medicines etc are keys of life and are basic human rights. When we provide all the tools surgery, clothes, housing, jobs, makeup, emotional support we allow for people to gain these endorphins that make them happy and wanting to live. Each persons journey is different. But just noticing the instant differences in my own life I can contest that my own judgments on others and myself have done harm to me and others because I did not understand how fundamental trans services we take for granted do make a difference.

Today I have confidence, I am empowered, I have direction. I have worked hard to overcome health issues, mental health issues, homelessness, suicide attempts and life challenges or last several years but while. my story is unique, I know from experience until one has surgery, breasts, vaginoplasty, or both they will not be able to begin to live and be happy; surgery isn't going to make everyone happy but will for many. Today I overcome disability today I live a high quality of life because of services provided to me, surgeries, and life and I have never been happier in my life.

So please be patient and compassion, do not give up on others who seem to be just depressing all the time because they can't help it they are trying to live. If we are tired of trans individuals complaining let's help them with food,.clothjng, makeup, surgeries and help them live a quality of life they deserve

_While being sharp and funny  Legally Blonde  provide an unexpected commentary on sexism and discrimination, even if filtered through a pretty white girl lens. (Fact: It’s based on novelist Amanda Brown’s actual experiences as a Harvard Law student.)_

Breast Augmentation NSFW

Sept 28, 2015 I had the most difficult,  overwhelming, and fear surrounded surgery, my breast augmentation. In my opinion vaginoplasty back on Feb 10, 2015 was the easiest of 2 surgeries, and it's  funny because I originally wanted my breasts done first however in Feb Medical wasn't covering Breast Augmentation yet so it really wasn't on my radar to spend the money anytime soon for the breasts as I was happy just having the vaginoplasty done. When previous surgery was done main focus was just to get rid of the male genitailia and i was grateful that Marci Bowers did a wonderful job and it was what imagined. 

I am grateful that MediCal SF Health plan paid for both surgeries. I had my consultation and had a surgery date within 45 days. My fear and anxiety was am i going to like the look will it be too big or too small. Every C cup woman showed me was different.

Folsom was the night before and surgery was set for a 730 am procedure with a 6am arrival. My day started early and I was irritated and Hangry by time I got to hospital due to not be able to eat or drink and getting 4 hours of sleep because I was woken at 2 am because my boy from PDX decided to stay out until bar closed and [lost track of time all week] (love folsom) over weekend and left things in my car and then needed to go to airport decided wanted next flight taking 2 hours to finally show up and took him to airport knowing i had surgery. Unfortunately Michael got some of my morning irritatibilty I don't Remember much just my texts (not morning person) so I apologized to him but lengthy surgery did not help. Come close to 730 they were running a little behind and still hadnt marked me up yet. After they marked me then i used the bathroom as they did not catheter me (thank god) I was so tired i fell asleep before given oxygen, taken to the operation room, before the anethesia and woke up to it everythinf done.

Surgery went well no complications other than a 2 hour surgery taking 5 hours.  Since we were doing under the muscle and them wanting to be mindful of the delicate tissue because they wanted me to have as close to natural looking as possible verses stripper tits to compliment my radiant beauty they said. So they went D (450) verse the original C discussed (they knew I wanted nothing bigger than a D) to balance out since my right breast was bigger than my left.

It wasn't Mills Pennisula the tranquil and serene campus and did not allow a guest until wheeled into surgery as originally told we could, but I had a great team. They had coffee waiting for me as soon as I woke up; the Dr asked me before going in is there anything I needed or would like at that moment or when I woke up I said coffee and my phone and he said definitely. My nurse upon awakening, Kim, was amazing and made the experience even more beautiful. She has a trans son age 26 and was very loving and nurturing in the recovery room, I made a new friend she has my blog and will add me on facebook. The whole team of nurses and doctors were amazing, friendly, supportive, and was proud of me they said, to hear that from a medical team it is amazcing. I am grateful for Michael to be there supporting me and being there when this became a longer day than nyone anticipated.  I am sore, stretched, still having to sleep  sitting up because once on my back  i cant get up. I have a heating pad i bought.  I feel lime the hunchback but i nap every couple hours and try to move my arms so they don't get too stiff. Almost 8 months since my last and I am done. No more surgeries.

#IAmKat

Showing up for life 9/24

Coming Full Circle: Brian #IamKat

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring?

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring? We fight for equality, we fight against fascism or is it really for? We so much want to fit in, to mainstream, and in doing so we allow cultures, history, legacy to be assimilated until we annihilate the very essence of what sets us apart, makes us unique, the heart and soul that drove us to connect in the first place.  Where dark seedy bars were once a sanctuary of mutual understanding, interconnectedness, a place of history and legacy that we push and force into the light of progress; Progress that comes with a heavy price. While we are in a sexual awakening and a renaissance of self-discovery and identity, and with social media and cultural pacifying where everyone needs to be politically correct and rampant fear of saying the wrong things in order to not offend someone, the LGBTQQHHIPAA, kink, and leather umbrellas have become rich in diversity, a safe harbor for identities, welcoming and inclusive and we have become a void.

I was recently afforded with the opportunity to take my first trip to the Tom of Finland House and Foundation at the urgency of SF LDG’s committee chair Graylin Thorton and his introduction to Durk at the SF LDG Fetish Fair the previous weekend at the Citadel in San Francisco, California. This chance for an interview has turned out to be more than just a history lesson, it was more than an education, and it was a lesson in legacy and identity, my identity as a leather woman. I have been taught it is important to preserve the leather legacy and history so we can understand the richness and treasure of it.

What I witness at the Tom of Finland House, was a place that History and legacy was sacred, but I also learned just by observing some things brought into the light would do more harm than good and not only taint the gifts and legacy given to us, but who are we to tell another their journey, their life, who they are as a leather person is wrong, or needs to change.

We [leathermen, foundational speaking] were outcasts seeking asylum among a band of brothers, in whom relied upon the experiences of one another in order that these men had a place to call home, a place to have their needs met, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, physically. This sacred Brokeback leather understanding carried one another in a code of mutual understanding, commitment, and exploration that not even this article could capture, it was something that could only be experienced by those who were there, and those they chose to pass on a code of identity, silence, emptiness, survival, and life.

Tom of Finland is more than a pseudonym for great erotic art, it is an embodiment of coming out as a leather man, leather woman , leather person; it’s the embodiment of identity. It is a lesson though, as there is a time when one needs to be the protector and say it is not okay to have our identity lost.

The Leather community is not the 50 shades of get me of Daddy, or beat me Sir, or what little I can wear; we need to recognize there is something more deeply rooted behind the pageantry of titles the service we provide, the outreach and education we provide, the person we have sex with, who looks hot in leather, or can be fisted the longest. It is more than the ghosts of the rise and fall of the AIDS epidemic. It is about daring to be different, unique, finding ourselves and exploring. It is about recognizing by kink and identity is yours, and yours isn’t mine and no one should be able to force theirs on another and rob them of something precious, as we have allowed too many to be eager in bring the moral and kink police, the Republicans and Right Wing Christians fascists of the Leather Community. It is about honoring those who have become enriched in our leather wholeness, and being a living tributary to those decadence of leather heritage.

I'm not well traveled and my scope of knowledge is very limited. But why must I, as a lot of women are, be subject to a system of morals imposed by people who do not understand kink or me especially, we say it is okay to fight and defend myself against the government to tell people not to tell me what I can and cannot do my body, what to believe how to believe it; And yet We the People of the Leather/Kink community in order to form a more perfect safe place for outcasts, defend right for individuality, welfare, a sense of decency, uniqueness, and a place to find safety and escape must control and put restrictions, and be pc in our interactions because someone is self-entitled. I'm grateful for the many aspects inclusive in the leather community; however I don't want everybody to be a fister, I don't want everyone to be into electric, I don't want everyone to be a boot black, I don't want everyone to flogger, etc. I like having my love and the world I live in outside of the leather community contradictory to my leather identity and yet very rooted in who I am. I struggled with just having family members part of the same community, it's my refuge. If we do not allow every person to f*ck us or be f*cked by us, then why should other intimate areas of our life be just as exposed or taken from us? Progress can be a means for extinction if we allow ourselves to be assimilated too much and who are we as leather people. Tom of Finland House is rich in diversity but is not a place where one can demand respect and receive it, and I think that should be very adequately the same in our community as a whole. When I enter the community I did 40 different things, I jumped into being of service, I got to know people and it was because I didn't demand respect earned it; but that respects needs to go both ways, it needs to be an understanding that many in our community during a time relied on one another to ban together at times and shared experiences that someone who wasn’t apart of and did not experience hurt, loss of life, and other events can not comprehend what others went through for those who have not been part of the experience has no right to be part of.

I will never understand or get what the WWII veterans coming home went through, I cannot begin to fathom those who lived in the height of the AIDS epidemic and the people that were lost, I cannot fathom what people have gone through and things are not just as simple as bringing people in from the outside; It's almost like a techie trying to tell their chemist friend correct compound for the experiment they working on. There are many things that are edgy others may find offensive and should those who find it offensive be invited to a party or group that doesn’t find it offensive

Do you know who Tom of Finland was? He was you, he was me, he is you, he is me, he's a man of secrets, a man with identity; he's a man, while his art has made him one of the top 5 artist who had impact on the 20th century, who was about giving people a chance of sexual freedom while he was about living his identity. He was about being open about his sexuality. We are losing our dark spaces because we are allowing others to shut slut shame us. I learned while we can be a diverse inclusive space as the Tom of Finland House is comprised of multiple identities. However donning leather, playing at BDSM, forcing yourself into a place and claiming victory when you destroy part of a culture you think you have a right to assume yourself into or belong  to a community a group a club doesn't want to share their family, belief in old guard or new doesn’t necessarily make you a leather person. I can't say someone is or isn’t a leather person, actions and how we interconnect with our community does.
 

History and culture must be preserved not with our bare hands or outspoken words, but with a tenderness and gloved hands that doesn’t destroy what we have. Progress is inevitable, but keeping our dark spaces are just as important.  Know your History, don’t assume you know it, research and ask.  There is a deeper blood line, and when one can get past the ideal of mainstreaming, and people pleasing, we can learn and know there is comfort in the dark spaces. I’m not a borg and I don’t think resistance is futile, resistance and a good fight is about preservation.

To celebrate the importance of erotic art and preservation and legacy, San Francisco Leathermen's Discussion Group (LDG) is hosting a Tom of Finland Foundation Reception and Erotic Art Silent Auction on September 23, 2015 from 6:30pm to 9:30pm at the SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street. Durk will be delivering a presentation that one should not miss, and It will be an evening like no other.

Keep an eye out for my interviews with Durk, Toni, and Marc from the Tom of Finland Foundation

Coming Full Circle #IAmKat

Coming Full Circle #IamKat series

April 14, 2009 I drove my car into the Little Dell reservoir in quiet desperation as the war within was becoming life and death as I tried to be someone for everyone else.

Sept 10, 2015 I come full circle and honor the path and experiences that brought me here as I recognize 7 months since surgery.

This is my life

Katerina Du Lac

#ComingFullCircle
#suicideawarenessday
#loveheals
#IamKat

Fertile Soil in Recovery

Road to IMsTL 2015 #IAmKat

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring

What happens when individuals, groups, communities, and cultures stop exploring? We fight for equality, we fight against fascism or is it really for? We so much want to fit in, to mainstream, and in doing so we allow cultures, history, legacy to be assimilated until we annihilate the very essence of what sets us apart, makes us unique, the heart and soul that drove us to connect in the first place.  Where dark seedy bars were once a sanctuary of mutual understanding, interconnectedness, a place of history and legacy that we push and force into the light of progress; Progress that comes with a heavy price. While we are in a sexual awakening and a renaissance of self-discovery and identity, and with social media and cultural pacifying where everyone needs to be politically correct and rampant fear of saying the wrong things in order to not offend someone, the LGBTQQHHIPAA, kink, and leather umbrellas have become rich in diversity, a safe harbor for identities, welcoming and inclusive and we have become a void.

I was recently afforded with the opportunity to take my first trip to the Tom of Finland House and Foundation at the urgency of SF LDG’s committee chair Graylin Thorton and his introduction to Durk at the SF LDG Fetish Fair the previous weekend at the Citadel in San Francisco, California. This chance for an interview has turned out to be more than just a history lesson, it was more than an education, and it was a lesson in legacy and identity, my identity as a leather woman. I have been taught it is important to preserve the leather legacy and history so we can understand the richness and treasure of it.

What I witness at the Tom of Finland House, was a place that History and legacy was sacred, but I also learned just by observing some things brought into the light would do more harm than good and not only taint the gifts and legacy given to us, but who are we to tell another their journey, their life, who they are as a leather person is wrong, or needs to change.

We [leathermen, foundational speaking] were outcasts seeking asylum among a band of brothers, in whom relied upon the experiences of one another in order that these men had a place to call home, a place to have their needs met, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, physically. This sacred Brokeback leather understanding carried one another in a code of mutual understanding, commitment, and exploration that not even this article could capture, it was something that could only be experienced by those who were there, and those they chose to pass on a code of identity, silence, emptiness, survival, and life.

Tom of Finland is more than a pseudonym for great erotic art, it is an embodiment of coming out as a leather man, leather woman , leather person; it’s the embodiment of identity. It is a lesson though, as there is a time when one needs to be the protector and say it is not okay to have our identity lost.

The Leather community is not the 50 shades of get me of Daddy, or beat me Sir, or what little I can wear; we need to recognize there is something more deeply rooted behind the pageantry of titles the service we provide, the outreach and education we provide, the person we have sex with, who looks hot in leather, or can be fisted the longest. It is more than the ghosts of the rise and fall of the AIDS epidemic. It is about daring to be different, unique, finding ourselves and exploring. It is about recognizing by kink and identity is yours, and yours isn’t mine and no one should be able to force theirs on another and rob them of something precious, as we have allowed too many to be eager in bring the moral and kink police, the Republicans and Right Wing Christians fascists of the Leather Community. It is about honoring those who have become enriched in our leather wholeness, and being a living tributary to those decadence of leather heritage.

I'm not well traveled and my scope of knowledge is very limited. But why must I, as a lot of women are, be subject to a system of morals imposed by people who do not understand kink or me especially, we say it is okay to fight and defend myself against the government to tell people not to tell me what I can and cannot do my body, what to believe how to believe it; And yet We the People of the Leather/Kink community in order to form a more perfect safe place for outcasts, defend right for individuality, welfare, a sense of decency, uniqueness, and a place to find safety and escape must control and put restrictions, and be pc in our interactions because someone is self-entitled. I'm grateful for the many aspects inclusive in the leather community; however I don't want everybody to be a fister, I don't want everyone to be into electric, I don't want everyone to be a boot black, I don't want everyone to flogger, etc. I like having my love and the world I live in outside of the leather community contradictory to my leather identity and yet very rooted in who I am. I struggled with just having family members part of the same community, it's my refuge. If we do not allow every person to f*ck us or be f*cked by us, then why should other intimate areas of our life be just as exposed or taken from us? Progress can be a means for extinction if we allow ourselves to be assimilated too much and who are we as leather people. Tom of Finland House is rich in diversity but is not a place where one can demand respect and receive it, and I think that should be very adequately the same in our community as a whole. When I enter the community I did 40 different things, I jumped into being of service, I got to know people and it was because I didn't demand respect earned it; but that respects needs to go both ways, it needs to be an understanding that many in our community during a time relied on one another to ban together at times and shared experiences that someone who wasn’t apart of and did not experience hurt, loss of life, and other events can not comprehend what others went through for those who have not been part of the experience has no right to be part of.

I will never understand or get what the WWII veterans coming home went through, I cannot begin to fathom those who lived in the height of the AIDS epidemic and the people that were lost, I cannot fathom what people have gone through and things are not just as simple as bringing people in from the outside; It's almost like a techie trying to tell their chemist friend correct compound for the experiment they working on. There are many things that are edgy others may find offensive and should those who find it offensive be invited to a party or group that doesn’t find it offensive

Do you know who Tom of Finland was? He was you, he was me, he is you, he is me, he's a man of secrets, a man with identity; he's a man, while his art has made him one of the top 5 artist who had impact on the 20th century, who was about giving people a chance of sexual freedom while he was about living his identity. He was about being open about his sexuality. We are losing our dark spaces because we are allowing others to shut slut shame us. I learned while we can be a diverse inclusive space as the Tom of Finland House is comprised of multiple identities. However donning leather, playing at BDSM, forcing yourself into a place and claiming victory when you destroy part of a culture you think you have a right to assume yourself into or belong  to a community a group a club doesn't want to share their family, belief in old guard or new doesn’t necessarily make you a leather person. I can't say someone is or isn’t a leather person, actions and how we interconnect with our community does.

History and culture must be preserved not with our bare hands or outspoken words, but with a tenderness and gloved hands that doesn’t destroy what we have. Progress is inevitable, but keeping our dark spaces are just as important.  Know your History, don’t assume you know it, research and ask.  There is a deeper blood line, and when one can get past the ideal of mainstreaming, and people pleasing, we can learn and know there is comfort in the dark spaces. I’m not a borg and I don’t think resistance is futile, resistance and a good fight is about preservation.

To celebrate the importance of erotic art and preservation and legacy, San Francisco Leathermen's Discussion Group (LDG) is hosting a Tom of Finland Foundation Reception and Erotic Art Silent Auction on September 23, 2015 from 6:30pm to 9:30pm at the SF LGBT Community Center, 1800 Market Street. Durk will be delivering a presentation that one should not miss, and It will be an evening like no other.

Keep an eye out for my interviews with Durk, Toni, and Marc from the Tom of Finland Foundation

Reflection

I was the person who was the Ana in Frozen, who longed to belong to someone, who after a romp in bed I was ready to marry that day especially in my addiction. Out of all my relationships there were 3 people I actually loved and was willing to move Heaven and Earth for even if meant being someone different. Tony, Ashley, and Tiffany we're those 3. Don't get me wrong I had love for everyone but those 3 meant the world to me. And Tony I've never loved anyone more. Being Pansexual I see the person not the gender. That same codependent fairytale love is a deterrent in my life. There are things I want and need in my life before I think about a relationship, not to say I won't be receptive to one if just happens. Love is not something I can take likely in the context of my partner. Love is an indepth thing based on spiritual, physical, emotional, intimate connections. Its an intertwining of energy, a connection when I look in to your eyes a feeling of be lost in you and world disappears when I see you. It's getting to know me through dating. I'm not someone's treasure or love when you don't know me. I need to be romanticized but I need friendship first as a foundation. It needs to be mutual. I can't be bought. I can't commit with out making a connection. A connection that both will know it's right. This isn't so,ed at anyone in particular. Just a statement I'm still learning to belong to myself before I van belong to another. True love hasn't come easy for me but it stands the test of time. I just ask for RESPECT.

ENGAGE

E very Human life has Value, I'm no greater than anyone, however the homeless lives as they fight for life and death have more value than anyone.

N otice life, and surroundings, for safety and check your privilege. You are not the judge so instead compassion is key. Do not treat people as invisible

G o the Distance whatever it takes, to make sure people are safe, feel loved, and treated with respect

A ssist, talk, Humanize them, let them know they matter, love them, acknowledge the path they trod. Your phone is not more important than the suffering. Humble your self to get down on your knees, or take a stance of solidarity especially if it inconvienences you

G enuinely and humbly reach out. If a life can be save by you slowing down to observe that whatever meeting or finial lost means nothing than the person who found the spark when you share hope na love

E ncourage, smile, uplift, acknowledge, create and hold space for the person, and nudge them, empower them, let them know they matter, be the solution even if it's a smile

I am the biggest offender I don't want to see the world, not because im selfish, because like many of us we allow ourselves to become so busy and  disconnected because we give ourselves no room to see outside of our lives to decompress. We carry the load of our lives where ever we go and without taking time to connect with the world and learn self care we slowly become robots and lose our identity our humanity. We become part of problem and bury the solution.

To Engage one has to make a conscious choice to allow ourselves to experience the gift of interconnectedness and to be present in the moment aware of your surroundings not in your phone or gadgets.

To engage is to value life and those in front of you when you are too busy to notice the opportunities and your test of the human condition. Today I was beset upon such a privilege. Maybe it was my hands being full with food, or my testimony I had given in church, or just still learning who I am and feeling the need to embrace the world around me but as I hit BART at Powell Street station after being dropped of from church to head home, and I'm in my head worry about what I would do to get the money to buy new bed set or pay off current as well as the last 200 for rent. I came upon a pod of men who have seen better days, each with their own stories worn upon the face. The acoustic guitar player who strikes you as the type who wishes they could open for the grateful dead. One preparing his heroin rig and could care less about cleanliness, another content. And one whom seemed out of place; and when my eyes gazed upon him, a gentleman who had lost hope, and a voice very audible [I swear it was Ms Margaret for some reason the valykarie has been at myside frequently lately and each time with a lesson, she is my role model] spoke he almost took his life last night. I felt like Roma Downey. ;-)

The gentleman in his forties hidden behind his scraggly beard, hands pitch black. Lee, which is his name had been in the City 3 weeks for medical as Vancouver could no longer help him after 12 months in the hospital due to fighting the fires as parajumper and got caught it a bad gust and shattered his Bones against a tree. 290,000 in medical bills out of his pocket. Sometimes I hate being empathy and without fail accurate as always I read his whole life through the tear stricken eyes. As I treated him as my equal, validating his life and letting him know he isn't invisible,  and people care. Over an hour I sat among the pod giving him resources to get the help and plugged into services.  I encouraged persistently that he needed to go get a shelter bed tonight and rest for the first time I'm 3 weeks, take a shower, get clean clothes and feel human again, so he could do what he need for himself. I gave my name and number, yes my direct number and told him to call me if he still needed help with services and much prompting I was able to get him to take leave from the pod and go to glide to get get a bed I was going to walk him to the escalator and then catch my train. No the voice again spoke you engaged now see it through. I walked with him to Glide as we talked of hope, my experience on the street and the goals he had and I till him watch in 2 years you will have it all. Glide was closed. I got him a sack dinner so he could eat, and walked him to the 27 line at Powell and and asked the bus driver if he would give Lee a ride to MSC South, he obliged I said our partings and once on the bus 2 hrs later I head to my train.

I found myself engaging with people on train and the bus and jovial enjoying the moment while my phone still remained in my purse. I say hi and smile I'm cordial bit today I engaged. And he was about to kill himself last night and I'm grateful to see that he was protected. Today I saw GOD, I was beset with the gift to be and example of love and give this man back his dignity. That says it all I gave him. Back his dignity, he was my equal, he was my lesson of strength and humility as I helped him find empowerment.

Then I got home 6 hours on the phone with a friend, I hate talking on the phone and yet it was an absolutely joyous time. I tried writing this throughout the evening and just kept on being on hold due to being present for others.

How are you going to ENGAGE and be the BEACON of Agape love and fortifying the human condition.

I implore all who takes the time to read this to think and meditate upon the gifts we been given, and know there is always gratitude to be found. Lest not forget our own struggles and darkness we we were brought out of so that we can share that joyous light. Who will you ENGAGE this week.

**I hold no rights to the jedi bear picture. May the force be strong and cuddly

Because I am Happy *Voices in my head singing the song by Will Pharrell

Today's actually been a really good day for me. I actually smiled at work, I don't know if it's because I put in my two weeks on Thursday overall I had a really good day in general and the first time I smiled in weeks. and then Kyle later when he came over to take me on a date he brought me different type of smile. It was nice to have some people to check in on me during work halfway through even after I was smiling. Then tonight I'll to receive text message that's just something that that meant a lot. Lately I've been very non social going through a lot so it was nice anything right here so I have to say something, that Kyle try to force me out of the house on a date to give me to socialize. It was fun, it really was and i am glad i was in a good mood today to be able to enjoy it. I just realized my roommate has been living with me for just slightly over a year with a couple days and even though in the beginning it was a nightmare I am grateful that he is here he's probably perhaps one of my best friends. As for my job I'm looking at other departments but we'll see and putting in applications as well if scary but at least I won't be on call 24 7 and not as stressed hopefully. now it comes to SF Sober Leather I have been bless with a couple options and I like the ideas. I'm just grateful I have people in my life who care and its funny and I'm grateful for the universe for it that today is one of those days that the Divine wanted me to hear a message that I was loved, that I matter, I'm worth it, and that I deserve it, and that I'm part of something great.

Never underestimate you worth

Never underestimate your worth or that you just being present masks a difference in lives of people you never who have touches. One smile or simple hi, or act of kindess has lasting and far reaching impact, same goes for bad encounters, than you may ever know. I try to keep things authentic, real, and done in integrity and its why i lay everything out in open because ivdont know who i will encounter and if I had different stories for different situations this year will prove that it would catch up if I tried. I say often regardless who comes into your life good or bad they become part of one's wholeness. I often forget that goes both ways and I become part of others wholeness as well. This the message I received from someone in LA i have been talking to, this evening, that I had been talking to on like (reminds me to watch my p's & q's):

Him: Your kinda famous aren't you
Me: Why what do you know
Him:Ive actually heard of you i just didn't realise it, my cousins live in SF and 1 if them is really into lgbt rights.
Me: who us your cousin
Him: And her friend is hiv+ and follows your work in that field...........you do a lot of very noble work kat

I never set out to make a name for myself, nor  did I give thought to do what I do. I do what I do give hope, no judgment and create and hold a safe and sacred place for others. Lately I have want to travel and share my story but this just brings home that we do the work because we are in it to save lives and be human. One raindrop raises the sea.

Never underestimate  your worth, as Kyle added, that is everyone else's job.

Honor our experiences for they become the foundation for others to honor theirs. I create and hold sacred space for all and am humble by this as well. Thank you to those who have honored their experiences by doing so allowed me to honor mine, so that another could benefit.

Part 3 Being Authentic April 25, 2015

Part 2 Being Authentic