I am fallible and finite, designs for living makes one look at the what needs to be changed for continued and long term serenity

I want some chitlins and hogsmaw, 4 cheese macaroni cheese, with collared greens and ham hocks and bacon, Hot corn bread with honey butter, baked sweet potatoes, black eyed peas, fried chicken and waffles. I am a foodie, what can I say I am a sucker for soul food.

I am learning that one needs to plan for the unplannable. I took a week off work for the AIDS/Lifecycle which for me is a huge pay cut. I was comfortable with the pay cut as the AIDS/Lifecycle is the world for me and I took account for that week I was missing, did not take into account taking couple extra days off for self care nor did i take into account when my job would call me back. I did not take into an account two weeks before any substantial pay back in my pocket.  This is why a savings is important, need to make sure I have one for future trips and vacations.  When I moved into my new place in April I knew it was going to be several months of struggle before I could get my pay and money on a schedule where i dont struggle at the beginning of the month.  Hey I dont even have a bed yet, still sleeping on an air mattress.  At least for the most part all my needs are met. The two things that have me worried are food and coffee. Cupboards are bare and I while I should ask for a loan until pay day for groceries dont know who to begin to ask.  That is a good thing and a bad thing it means I am self sufficient but it also means that it is hard for me to ask for help let alone knowing and forming bonds that I could ask for help. Ramon only goes so far before one can barely stomach the taste.

I have a housemate who helps around the house, a house  pup if you may. he keeps me sane keeps me stress free and helps with Winter.

Today I had the privilege of making an amends, to make amends isn't a gold star to add to ones ego, its humbling and a look at the finite self.  To make amends means my actions caused hurt and pain to someone who did not deserve to be brought into my craziness my mess especially when i was in my addiction and coming out of it.  to make amends isn't to be forgiven but to admit i was careless, i was destructive, that I caused pain, and that I was wrong.  I am grateful for a program of love, hope, and solution for a new design for living and today active addiction is not my story that chapter has been closed, but an addict in recovery with a solid foundation is.  Today is a day off so will be going to a new meeting in Oakland Reading Rainbow.-- Side note Lavere Burton has raised 1 million dollars to bring back the childhood show Reading Rainbow with new episodes and to touch and inspire a new generation of youth.

Time to get in the shower, Tonka the house pup texted and said he wants mexican for dinner, not he wants a mexican for dinner

Peace and blessings in the Divine

Lady Katerina