heading home from NYC to go to maui

As with my previous entry let me try to recap.  As of the last entry 8th of Apr.  I came out to New York to interview as a house boi.  I had the great privilege to visit the Hill Cumorah and also the sacred grove  where Joseph Smith had his First Vision.  Btw I am not taking the position.  I also had a great opportunity where i just spent a whole week of Broadway shows and sightseeing in NYC.  I am literally and utterly exhausted.  Great shows though.

mon. Chicago with Bebe Neuwirth
tues. Legally Blonde
wed. Mamma Mia
Thurs. Phantom of the Opera
Sat.  Rent and Hairspray

I went to rockefeller square, ellis and liberty island ad just dis sightseeing.  2 weeks ago I saw wicked in Chicago.  I am on my way home today just to leave in 2 days for Hawaii.

Lately,  I just haven't had the desire to write in my journal.  I am just running through life in a blah in a mist of my mind.  I thought I use to know what I wanted sexually, beliefs, I am even finding myself ashamed of the LDS Church.  I don't even know if I have a testimony.

I don't read my scriptures, pray, don't go to church much, I'm sleeping around, drinking, not foing to the temple obviously.  I have no drive to do anything