Courtesy Disclaimer *****This entry show breasts, a natural and beautiful thing, they often provide elixir of life for young-lings. The nipples are taped in these pictures but I this is a blog of my life, and I support breastfeeding in public, women without shirts and boobs hanging, I support breast cancer awareness. In previous entries I also show my, vagina, cock, gay sex etc. If you are offended please leave the blog you have been warn.******
burlesque photos courtesy of Jesse Brooks.and Video and few photos Betsy Ponce
Music Courtesy of DJ Bill Strach
Special thanks to Betsy Ponce and Gregg Cassin for their support and council
Saturday started of at 717a with these beautiful flags flying for the first time and taking me to and connecting to a place that that wasn't anywhere I have experienced in either temporal or spiritual realms. Xavier Caylor, I get it now, I thought people had to be tweaked out, jacked up on caffeine, or have gone through a high endurance training; well that may be true for some and one of those categories this is truly a spiritual experience that when one is connected with a purpose the reason why they flag there's something that just allows one to transcend and come one with the flags as one disconnects oneself in order to connect to ones third eye, a higher consciousness, or to the divine of their understanding. I found being connected as the lone flagger I was given the stamina to just continue and time ceased to exist. I noticed at flagging in the park when I flagged after taking a break from photos there was an undeniable connection of some sort among the collective of flaggers and can only be assume that even though they flag for their personal reasons, they are interconnected as one tribe while the music, the camaraderie, the atmospheres, the love for the art, and the bond of spinning, allows one to feel safe to just let go be vunerable and embrace the sacred intimate and they commune on one anothers energy taking from and replenishing one anothers supply.
My first time I
ever flew was at St. Dorothy's Rest, Finding Fellowship Retreat at the
Costume Party. I went as a goddess of strength and hope with stuff I found in the Attic's costume closet at last minute. I did not want to do go, I was very
anti social but Terri K (my sponsor), Jodi G., and David
W. were quick to not let me sit and draw the whole time isolated
from group, and I flew Davids flags. Thank you to you 3 for forcing me
to do the work and making so that I had my first Introduction. You were
and are part of my experience and respect each of you immensely, as
neither has ever once sugar coated anything for me.
It wasn't until 3 years later I flew again, using Mike Pierce flags at
July's Flagging in the Park after just making a set of my own a few days
prior at Xavier's.
I
was suppose to lead a Labyrinth Walk, its why I jumped out of bed fresh
eyed and like it was no big deal to get up that early, but no one was
up for it or they thought the warmth of the cabins, lodges, smoking
tent, and chair yoga was more appealing. I was going to flag while
others walked; but the universe had other plans for my to honor my
sacred intimate instead, therefore clothed initially in pants, jacket,
and cloak I welcomed the morning by flagging in front of the main lodge,
in cold hand numbing brisk air, and before my first coffee. And soon my
cloak was caste aside to allow for a more freer movement of the flags, and I
gave my heart completely to those flags and was able to cleared my
head, and just interconnect holding sacred s poo ace for myself and
every person at retreat HIV positive and negative and the journeys they
had to go through, the people they loss as their friends passed away
left and right, and honor us as survivors and gave myself to the Divine
in praise, gratitude and healing. I thought I flagged for 20 minutes and it
was actually a hour that had gone by, 822a is when I felt that I was
done, it took awhile to come down and I cant describe how i felt or
where i was but I've never had a spiritual experience like this one even
though I have had many. I could not get enough flagging throughout the
day. It was as if the need coursed through my veins in the sacred space
and retreat center (I blame the faeries for their blessing of it ) the
place sung to me.
Someone asked if I was going to do talent show, which I wasnt planning on doing as I did not have a talent, and they said they would love to see me do the flags, I was like Im just a beginner, but I agreed. What stemmed from a comment from another individual saying they would have never known that I was trans* identified until I outted myself, as I am so beautiful, left me having mixed feelings upon hearing that. I struggle to find a way to reconcile these feelings as I have become so open about my journey as of late, and yes i find myself beautiful, and grateful I "pass under radar with out being clocked" and what I have always wanted but it has become more complicated now. I have a choice to live under radar but I don't have a right I quickly realized at that moment. For almost 6 years I have been the beneficiary of services, groups, assistance, and tax payer funded GRS and Breast augmentation that I did not have to pay for. I have my life because of people who reaches out and helped me get through tough times. I can sit back and say I got what I needed and I am done, but if If did not share my journey several dozen people that have read my blog, or seen my youtube channel, and then messaged me privately saying that something I have posted from either media, my keynote in Fresno, or any number of things that have helped them in their journey for themselves or to help them get what friends or family members maybe would never have gotten the support they needed at that moment or the answers they needed that I break down in a way that is not only easy understood but is being authenticate and transparent, and that telling them the hard truths. A transparency that people normally don't see that is refreshing but by someone who is willing to talk about it so that people are informed about everything for them to make an informed decision.
So as I was thinking about the show, I already had Gloria Gaynor's "I am
What I am" followed by Israels "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" chosen,
(because of a previous Equality Now movie I made in 2009 using those
songs and just recently put it into my YouTube page from Andrew's YouTube) I decided after talking to a few people (both male and female)
gathering their opinion I decided to do something brand new and truly
honor my Experience, and step out of my comfort zone and deliver a 5
minute number unrehearsed and not only spin flags im a beginner but made
it a burlesque number honoring my journey.
I decided that I would go cloaked with the words Tranny and Trans written in lipstick on my breasts, HIV + underneath and capital ME across stomach. Im so use to leather bar scene and requiring taped nipples that i automatically put bandaids across my nipples (well the are all technically FB approved from start). Clothed in my cloak while Gloria Gaynors song played, I acted like I was trying to decide will I or not go through with a decision. ( for theatrics) and when her "I am what I am" resounded in the chorus the hood came of the, cloak fell and i tossed it to the side, I then danced to both numbers with passion and conviction. Gloria's being up beat and empowering, and Isreals being thoughtful, intimate, and distinguished. I danced with my heart and soul being grateful and humbled, and thanked the universe and the Divine for my journey in my wholeness.
Clip of my performance
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| Bonnie captured the life changing smile |
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This weekend I explored my sacred intimate and allowed myself to give
thanks for all I have received this year, and I had hated my body for
years, and today I love it. SEPTEMBER 2014 HOE Retreat, Saturday Morning
Session, I stopped trying to convince everyone or force them to see
only female, and from then on I did not care what people thought or saw,
and it wasn't just words I became comfortable with, but I became
comfortable with me as a person. And this was my thank you for this
group, and honored this weekend with my flags flying for first time,
which I made with the intention to honor and support the trans*
community and myself, and my first ever burlesque performance (which
people thought I have done it before or for awhile). September 2014 I began to smile genuinely again with this group knocked down the walls and I for the first time was unmasked and knew I no longer had to hide. I had simply just
danced and flagged that weekend what I have felt for almost a year, with
the freedom and peace of self just and keeps building up with
gratitude, and here I had an outlet finally to Honor my
Experiences.......
Making my first set of flags July 2015 at Xavier Calyor's place
