I asked to be released from my callings at church. I am actually leaving the LDS Church. I am getting rid of my garments. I am leaving because I admit I am gay and I've taken the door to the closet of its hinges.
Ryan is an awesome guy we spent the whole weekend together cuddling again.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
17 APRIL 2007
The body is nothing but the dripping wax of a candle, With our spirits as the flame shinning brighter as we allow ourselves to experience the euphoria of realizing your true inner self.
Be guided as molding wax that can be molded differently each time we reach the next level of perfection.
Be guided as molding wax that can be molded differently each time we reach the next level of perfection.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Maui
These entries fall in somewhere between April 16th and the 22nd while in maui
None is poor, O Bhikha
Every one hath got rubies in his bundle.
But how to open the knot he doth not know
And therefore his a Pauper!
-Bhikha (an Indian Saint)
Each and everyone of us has been given gifts and talents. Its how we use them (our rubies) that allows us to be successful or not. Until we accept and magnify what we have been given and not focus on what we lack we will never reach the euphoric state that we so desire within our subconscious utopia. If we appreciate the small things we will be entrusted with the great thing of the world.
Is the sun only the bringer of life and light or is it merely a metaphor of our inner-self as entrusted guardians and lightworkers that by our energy that we provide light and life to one another or on the flip a plague of darkness and death, It's by our actions that a reaction will happen
In a world where the celestial body of moon shines ambiently over the land with the brightness and spirit of that smile of a Cheshire Cat. A land that must be reached by chasing the white rabbit down the metaphoric rabbit hole of ones self and allowing the magic of self realization to lead them to their euphoria of nirvanic bliss. The heart of Maui beats as ceremonial drums inviting those wandering travelers and seekers of relaxation from the world beyond, and if the traveler is more daring a journey of enlightenment, the quest for the beauty and the understanding of ones inner light.
A step back in time for some, others freedom of time as the age of hope, peace, and love cries from the hearts of those the world and time has labeled as hippies when they are truly of the seed of understanding; those who can see past socialism, and governmental tyranny, ones who treat the living mother we call home, call earth as a vessel in our search for truth and enlightenment. The ideologies that are freely expressed are that of us, all who are spiritualists, seekers of thE truth, seekers of the inner light, crusaders seeking for the Holy Grail.
The ocean beats the dance of love that even after every tempest there is a calm. With theology of finding ones inner self we are commissioned to elevate our thoughts that we may work to achieve perfection through that paths that we laid out each time before returning to earth that we may continue our vision quest. Until the time that one can free themselves of the religious and social dogmas that plague and imprison their essence that one can not be free for until one is comfortable with their religious path, sexuality, appearance, handicaps and such then you are a slave to your conscious. For once you free yourself of consciousness then you may dwell in existence and harmony with your conscious and subconscious.....
None is poor, O Bhikha
Every one hath got rubies in his bundle.
But how to open the knot he doth not know
And therefore his a Pauper!
-Bhikha (an Indian Saint)
Each and everyone of us has been given gifts and talents. Its how we use them (our rubies) that allows us to be successful or not. Until we accept and magnify what we have been given and not focus on what we lack we will never reach the euphoric state that we so desire within our subconscious utopia. If we appreciate the small things we will be entrusted with the great thing of the world.
Is the sun only the bringer of life and light or is it merely a metaphor of our inner-self as entrusted guardians and lightworkers that by our energy that we provide light and life to one another or on the flip a plague of darkness and death, It's by our actions that a reaction will happen
In a world where the celestial body of moon shines ambiently over the land with the brightness and spirit of that smile of a Cheshire Cat. A land that must be reached by chasing the white rabbit down the metaphoric rabbit hole of ones self and allowing the magic of self realization to lead them to their euphoria of nirvanic bliss. The heart of Maui beats as ceremonial drums inviting those wandering travelers and seekers of relaxation from the world beyond, and if the traveler is more daring a journey of enlightenment, the quest for the beauty and the understanding of ones inner light.
A step back in time for some, others freedom of time as the age of hope, peace, and love cries from the hearts of those the world and time has labeled as hippies when they are truly of the seed of understanding; those who can see past socialism, and governmental tyranny, ones who treat the living mother we call home, call earth as a vessel in our search for truth and enlightenment. The ideologies that are freely expressed are that of us, all who are spiritualists, seekers of thE truth, seekers of the inner light, crusaders seeking for the Holy Grail.
The ocean beats the dance of love that even after every tempest there is a calm. With theology of finding ones inner self we are commissioned to elevate our thoughts that we may work to achieve perfection through that paths that we laid out each time before returning to earth that we may continue our vision quest. Until the time that one can free themselves of the religious and social dogmas that plague and imprison their essence that one can not be free for until one is comfortable with their religious path, sexuality, appearance, handicaps and such then you are a slave to your conscious. For once you free yourself of consciousness then you may dwell in existence and harmony with your conscious and subconscious.....
Sunday, April 15, 2007
heading home from NYC to go to maui
As with my previous entry let me try to recap. As of the last entry 8th of Apr. I came out to New York to interview as a house boi. I had the great privilege to visit the Hill Cumorah and also the sacred grove where Joseph Smith had his First Vision. Btw I am not taking the position. I also had a great opportunity where i just spent a whole week of Broadway shows and sightseeing in NYC. I am literally and utterly exhausted. Great shows though.
Lately, I just haven't had the desire to write in my journal. I am just running through life in a blah in a mist of my mind. I thought I use to know what I wanted sexually, beliefs, I am even finding myself ashamed of the LDS Church. I don't even know if I have a testimony.
I don't read my scriptures, pray, don't go to church much, I'm sleeping around, drinking, not foing to the temple obviously. I have no drive to do anything
mon. Chicago with Bebe NeuwirthI went to rockefeller square, ellis and liberty island ad just dis sightseeing. 2 weeks ago I saw wicked in Chicago. I am on my way home today just to leave in 2 days for Hawaii.
tues. Legally Blonde
wed. Mamma Mia
Thurs. Phantom of the Opera
Sat. Rent and Hairspray
Lately, I just haven't had the desire to write in my journal. I am just running through life in a blah in a mist of my mind. I thought I use to know what I wanted sexually, beliefs, I am even finding myself ashamed of the LDS Church. I don't even know if I have a testimony.
I don't read my scriptures, pray, don't go to church much, I'm sleeping around, drinking, not foing to the temple obviously. I have no drive to do anything
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Apr 8, 2004
Great way to start this journal is to fall behind. This journal will be journal two and I will fill in the other journals as I find them. Well there is a lot to recap. However I will start with the accounts of yesterday and today.
First I want to say as I have mentioned countless times before that my life is indeed a manifestation of Babylon to my own demise. However there is redemption and joy does indeed comes in the morning. For the Love of our Savior shines forth as an internal and external light of hope peace and love. However, it only shines brightly as long as we keep it filled with oil of the gospel and fulfilling the obligations commanded by our Heavenly Father. As the song reads " For the Beauty of the Earth," we are to be greateful with majestic praise to the Lord of all.
*Did not finish this entry in my journal
First I want to say as I have mentioned countless times before that my life is indeed a manifestation of Babylon to my own demise. However there is redemption and joy does indeed comes in the morning. For the Love of our Savior shines forth as an internal and external light of hope peace and love. However, it only shines brightly as long as we keep it filled with oil of the gospel and fulfilling the obligations commanded by our Heavenly Father. As the song reads " For the Beauty of the Earth," we are to be greateful with majestic praise to the Lord of all.
For the beauty of the earth For the beauty of the skies,Regardless of the troubles I face in life, regardless of the the tempest I allow myself to be tossed upon, regardless of sexuality. I need not lose my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel
For the love which from our birth Over and around us lies
For the beauty of each hour Of the day and of the night
Hill and vale, and tree and flow'r Sun and Moon, and stars of light
For the joy of human love, Brother, sister, parent, child
Friends on earth, and friend above, for all gentle thoughts and mild
Lord of all, to thee we raise, This greatful hymn of praise
*Did not finish this entry in my journal
Sunday, March 18, 2007
on my space profile
Alma 29.9 I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory. that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.
It is very hard for me to trust people let alone open up to people. Well I have decided that I am going to let people help me, support me, and get close to me. Both family and friends alike. I am no longer afraid to be myself and don't care what anyone else thinks. I am 25 year old and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I struggle with SSA, or SGA or whatever you want to call it. Basically I stuggle with Same Gender Attraction. However there is a difference from struggling with it and participating in it. I am working to overcome these thoughts or at least deal with them in a healthy way. I am going to overcome through the support of my family and friends, and also through a great Support Group through Evergreen International. Its not that I like being with guys its just that intimate bonding, and cuddling of being hugged and feel like your loved even for just a short period of time. If I had my way I would have gotten rid of these thoughts a long time ago. But this is my cross I have to deal with. I may always have these thoughts but i definitely can reduce the urges and thoughts and not act on them. It is my plan to be married in the temple and raise a family. You can overcome and be freed from the shackles and chains of bondage of this addiction through the faith and love of Heavenly Father. I am sending some books to my family so they can support me in this.
But I recommend for anyone struggling with SSA or SGA that you read Resolving Homosexual Problems: A guide For LDS Men By Jason Parks. And for those who wish to Support friends and family who are going this same problem. Helping LDS men Resolve their homosexual problems by Jason Parks. Both books can be bought at Deseret Book or online. And these books are for all men whether LDS or not.
As a convert to the church I testify that this church is the true church and the only true church having the proper authority to preform the Lord's ordinances for the glorification of the Kingdom of God. I know that President Gordon B. Hinckley is the true prophet, seer and revelator currently in this dispensation and that he is called by God and not by man. I know that without a doubt that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet called by God to restore the church. And I testify that the Book of Mormon is a true testament of our Savior's love for use. I say these things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.
It is very hard for me to trust people let alone open up to people. Well I have decided that I am going to let people help me, support me, and get close to me. Both family and friends alike. I am no longer afraid to be myself and don't care what anyone else thinks. I am 25 year old and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I struggle with SSA, or SGA or whatever you want to call it. Basically I stuggle with Same Gender Attraction. However there is a difference from struggling with it and participating in it. I am working to overcome these thoughts or at least deal with them in a healthy way. I am going to overcome through the support of my family and friends, and also through a great Support Group through Evergreen International. Its not that I like being with guys its just that intimate bonding, and cuddling of being hugged and feel like your loved even for just a short period of time. If I had my way I would have gotten rid of these thoughts a long time ago. But this is my cross I have to deal with. I may always have these thoughts but i definitely can reduce the urges and thoughts and not act on them. It is my plan to be married in the temple and raise a family. You can overcome and be freed from the shackles and chains of bondage of this addiction through the faith and love of Heavenly Father. I am sending some books to my family so they can support me in this.
But I recommend for anyone struggling with SSA or SGA that you read Resolving Homosexual Problems: A guide For LDS Men By Jason Parks. And for those who wish to Support friends and family who are going this same problem. Helping LDS men Resolve their homosexual problems by Jason Parks. Both books can be bought at Deseret Book or online. And these books are for all men whether LDS or not.
As a convert to the church I testify that this church is the true church and the only true church having the proper authority to preform the Lord's ordinances for the glorification of the Kingdom of God. I know that President Gordon B. Hinckley is the true prophet, seer and revelator currently in this dispensation and that he is called by God and not by man. I know that without a doubt that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet called by God to restore the church. And I testify that the Book of Mormon is a true testament of our Savior's love for use. I say these things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Jan 6, 2007
As a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I hold an even deeper appreciation for the truthfulness of the gospel. What a privilege and honor to be a member of the restored church, to be a priest in the Melchizedek priesthood with the keys to work in the kingdom building of our most high. I have always had the desire to serve Heavenly Father but I have never been able to do it with the zeal and the Holy Ghost reigning in my life. I have been going to church on my own since the age of 10...........
don't know where i was going with this
don't know where i was going with this
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Petition to the First Presidency
Thursday, August 31, 2006
To The First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
I humbly come before you as a servant of Heavenly Father with this petition that I may serve a mission for the greater work of the Kingdom. I ask not to serve a mission to glorify myself or to magnify myself in front of my fellow brethren but to be an instrument, as were the sons of Mosiah, in the hands of God to bring as the Lord wills the knowledge and truth to those still blinded by the teachings of their forefathers. The reason I write to you with this petition because I am a convert of almost 2 years and also divorced. I was married before I joined the church and divorced before I was a member a year. The divorce was mutual and just did not work out I was 19 and she was 26 when we got married. I ask to serve a mission because as a convert and a former licensed and ordained minister, I have experienced first hand the teachings of those ill-educated in the fullness of the truth of the gospel. Many of my brethren in Christ live in the darkness of the principal of salvation by grace and what grace truly means. That grace is only the covenant between Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father that prepares the way that we may return to glory.
As Alma stated in Alma 29.9 “I know what the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.”
My whole life has been about me and doing what I want. I have taken and taken out of life without contributing anything back. Serving a mission will allow me to unselfishly serve the Heavenly Father doing His work, it would allow me to give back to the kingdom for the greater glory. All I have ever wanted to do and all I continue to do in my life is serve Heavenly Father. It breaks my heart to see so many people who desire to know the truth but they don’t have anyone to share it with them. I am the Lord’s servant and I am at His will regardless if I am allowed to serve a mission or not. I know that I am a missionary whether I serve a full time mission or not and regardless what your decision is I will continue to serve Heavenly Father and the church.
I know without a doubt The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church. I know that Joseph Smith was and is a true prophet called by God and not by man to open the final dispensation and restore the Church and gospel. I testify that Gordon B. Hinckley is the true Prophet, Seer, and Revelator of this church. I know The Book of Mormon is a true testament of our Father’s love for us. I humbly bear my testimony knowing that all things will be done according to the will of Heavenly Father. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Sincerely in Christ,
Elder Andrew Swallow
Sunday, August 20, 2006
This was on my myspace page at the time
Do you believe in faith and awesome power of prayer? Well I do first hand. My life since the age of 10 has been built on the foundation of faith. Hebrews 11:6 Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for He that comeths to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder to all them that diligently seek Him. I learned that very foundation, the keystone to who I am at a very early age and I have been on fire ever since. As I said I started going to church by my own desire at the age of 10. I remeber the zeal I had for serving Heavenly Father. I remember I hated going to junior church and occasionally had to be forced to go, for I loved to sit in the main church and listen to Pastor Miller preach from the pulpit. I loved just sitting there in the auditorium and feasting on every word he had to say. I was there Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night, and any other time the doors were opened. I loved being at church and know one ever had to make me go. My thirst for the Word grew over the years and I grew more and more involved in church. Anything that had to do with God I was all for it over playing outside, nintendo or anything. I rememeber when i was 13 I went to a promise keepers crusade and it was awesome thousands of people at Qualacom Stadium(was still Jack Murphy then) praising God. At the age of 14 I started studying the Bible on my own for I longed for the truth to totally understand the Bible. (Did you know the wiseman were not in the original Christmas story-they appeared 2-3 years after Jesus was born. I realized this at the age of 14) As I started studying out the Bible Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ two separate beings came to me literally, and no I wasn't dreaming, and said "We have a plan for you however we aren't going to reveal it yet. Stay steadfast in the faith continue to study the scriptures and it will be revealed soon." Over the next 6 years I started studying even more. My Aunt Lorrie and My Grandma Vroegindewey have been two major key players in my life that have continually have shown me the importance and blessings of faith. My Aunt was diagnosed with cancer and a large tumor in head, the doctors told her they needed to try chemotherapy and other hopeful treatments. She told them just give me some pain medication and I will handle this with prayer and my Bible. 3 months later it was completely gone. These two ladies have been through so much pain and yet they continue to praise Heavenly Father and ailments disappear. These Ladies are modern day Jobs. (Lorrie may you rest in peace and I will make sure the work is done for you)
The age of 18 I went to Bible college and became financially withdrawn. Also around this time my uncle was trying to get me to join the mormon church. He was the only one in my family who belonged to this cult and I wanted nothing to do with it (except for the free movies I liked to order of TV.) the age of 20 I went back to School both law and Bible college. I dropped out of law school to concentrate solely on my AA and BA in Christian studies and theology. I became a licensed and ordained baptist minister. However something was missing in my life. There was a void in my life and I could not understand it. I was thirsting for and hungering for something that I could not find that i thought did not exist. I started study other religions and nothing calmed the tempest that was raging in my soul. April 2004 I drove to Utah to visit my Uncle and it turned out to be the Mormon General Conference weekend. There, my cousin on the way out to snow canyon, she was 14 years old at the time, made me promise her to read the Book of Mormon. I have had many copies of this book through out my life, however i think they were usually thrown in the trashed or I used them for Lego tents and platforms. So I promised her I would read it. To me it was just another book and I was just going to read it and get it over with just to say I read it. However as I read it, i started to recieve a calming feeling over me. Everything in this Book was everything I already believed in. I finished ready the Book of Mormon May of 2004 and I took the Moroni challenge. Moroni 10:3-5
The age of 18 I went to Bible college and became financially withdrawn. Also around this time my uncle was trying to get me to join the mormon church. He was the only one in my family who belonged to this cult and I wanted nothing to do with it (except for the free movies I liked to order of TV.) the age of 20 I went back to School both law and Bible college. I dropped out of law school to concentrate solely on my AA and BA in Christian studies and theology. I became a licensed and ordained baptist minister. However something was missing in my life. There was a void in my life and I could not understand it. I was thirsting for and hungering for something that I could not find that i thought did not exist. I started study other religions and nothing calmed the tempest that was raging in my soul. April 2004 I drove to Utah to visit my Uncle and it turned out to be the Mormon General Conference weekend. There, my cousin on the way out to snow canyon, she was 14 years old at the time, made me promise her to read the Book of Mormon. I have had many copies of this book through out my life, however i think they were usually thrown in the trashed or I used them for Lego tents and platforms. So I promised her I would read it. To me it was just another book and I was just going to read it and get it over with just to say I read it. However as I read it, i started to recieve a calming feeling over me. Everything in this Book was everything I already believed in. I finished ready the Book of Mormon May of 2004 and I took the Moroni challenge. Moroni 10:3-5
"Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."As soon as I prayed asking if these things I just read and that the feeling I had was true, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ both came to me again as two personages telling me this is what they have planned for me, I was to resign as a minister and join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I study out the Book of Mormon until September and I was ready to join the Church. I started to look for the missionaries. They are always around when you don't want them around, but when you do want them they are no where to be found. Finally I found them, and we had our lessons, I would have been baptized that first day if it was allowed. October 15 2004 I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Jul 15, 2006
I am slowly getting back into journaling and letting my thoughts. Truthfully I love to journal, i just do it on my blog on myspace.com. Ironically, myspace is the reason I am going back a few weeks in time to a explain a few things happening in my life. I live on myspace actually, not as much as I was two months ago , however myspace is the cause of a budding friendship, my mission being paid for (now I just need to petition the First Presidency to let me go), and a new found testimony of the power of Faith.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Memories
Recording memories of my past:
I don't know why I remember this over all memories but I'll record it here. It was Labor day Weekend and I was 13 years old (i think) so that would have been 1995 and my family was camping on the beach down in Camp Pendleton, San Diego California with friends of the Family Tom and Harriett Adametz. Before going I stole my step fathers speedos from his room. I took my little sister Holly over to the Jetti there was no waves and took of my swim trunks (I was wearing the speedos underneath) Try to make sure Holly did not notice but she did, told my parents. Just say I got in trouble.
*****Don't know why these first few entries are the ones I am remembering first but they are all from the same period of my life Go figure**********
I was living off Joann Dr. in Oceanside, San Diego, California (cross streets college and olive) I remember i would sneak out late at night through the garage and out through the side gate and go streaking up and down the streets. I t was a rush I enjoyed it. Just be free unrestrained by clothes. I liked to run through the sprinklers naked run in front of cars stopped at the stop light and flash them- I was around 12-13 -- it was fun for me.
This I remember definately happened before the last two entries. I was living in base housing Wire Mountain II on Camp Pendleton on Dogwood St. I had a couple of friends of friends named Cory (age 12) and Ammon (about age 15 or 16)----- (Actually next few entries will be during my life on base, actually I am surprised how much I am remembering) Life on base was from the ages 11.5-13. However one day Cory, Ammon and myself where down in the canyon and it was hot. There was a small creek and we would strip down and go wading. However one day while we were just sitting down there drying off Ammon reached over and started to rub his hand on my crotch..... I will not go into any further detail except to me I did not know it was wrong doing things with other boys- - was natural to me I was raped at the age of 6 whn living in Jacksonville, North Carolina. Ammon and Cory and I did all different things. (I apologize to myself just recording my life regardless what has happened in it. To me it was just having fun and confusing. And we did stuff over a period of time. most of the time not by choice just did not want to lose any friends others because it was a little fun. This is the only incident I am recording
Age 12
I spent the night one night at Cory's we stayed up all night playing video games- NES we played soltice all night long. We drank so much coffee and ate so many MRE's it was not funny. That morning we helped Cory's father deliver newspapers and as soon as we got back home I threw up all over the van. Later that day we found a grenade in the canyon never detonated. We carried it back towards Cory's house in my shirt(the canyon was right behind Cory's house) We told hs parents that we found it in the slope behind his house. Bomb squad was called then we had to tell the truth.
5th Grade I went to Santa Margarita right there on base. My teacher was Mrs. Haggerty. I remember learning about the slave trade in History. We roped off areas with tape to demostrate the area of space these slaves had to themselves. It was very cramped. I remember Times test, where you had to master multiplication tables in a certain time period. I remember reading 100 Dresses and the Witch of Blackbird Pond. Also 5th grade was my first introduction to sex education. I loved to play 4 square at recess.
6th grade went to two different schools 1st part of the year Jefferson Middle school and second part of the year to Washington Middle school. We will concentrate on Jefferson for now. At Jefferson (mascot falcons) I was in cross country and I also played the sax. Jefferson I had my first Middle School crush Rebecca Chasee. I think she liked me two. We would always exchange trinkets with one another and always hung out together. At lunch we played handball and we and our clique of people who hung out together. A few other guys and this kid in the wheelchair, wish I could remember his name, but we had our group. I also remember playing the sax at lunch upperclassmen, 7th and 8th graders would toss money inmy case to get me to shut up. I took the money but I did not shut up.
I don't know why I remember this over all memories but I'll record it here. It was Labor day Weekend and I was 13 years old (i think) so that would have been 1995 and my family was camping on the beach down in Camp Pendleton, San Diego California with friends of the Family Tom and Harriett Adametz. Before going I stole my step fathers speedos from his room. I took my little sister Holly over to the Jetti there was no waves and took of my swim trunks (I was wearing the speedos underneath) Try to make sure Holly did not notice but she did, told my parents. Just say I got in trouble.
*****Don't know why these first few entries are the ones I am remembering first but they are all from the same period of my life Go figure**********
I was living off Joann Dr. in Oceanside, San Diego, California (cross streets college and olive) I remember i would sneak out late at night through the garage and out through the side gate and go streaking up and down the streets. I t was a rush I enjoyed it. Just be free unrestrained by clothes. I liked to run through the sprinklers naked run in front of cars stopped at the stop light and flash them- I was around 12-13 -- it was fun for me.
This I remember definately happened before the last two entries. I was living in base housing Wire Mountain II on Camp Pendleton on Dogwood St. I had a couple of friends of friends named Cory (age 12) and Ammon (about age 15 or 16)----- (Actually next few entries will be during my life on base, actually I am surprised how much I am remembering) Life on base was from the ages 11.5-13. However one day Cory, Ammon and myself where down in the canyon and it was hot. There was a small creek and we would strip down and go wading. However one day while we were just sitting down there drying off Ammon reached over and started to rub his hand on my crotch..... I will not go into any further detail except to me I did not know it was wrong doing things with other boys- - was natural to me I was raped at the age of 6 whn living in Jacksonville, North Carolina. Ammon and Cory and I did all different things. (I apologize to myself just recording my life regardless what has happened in it. To me it was just having fun and confusing. And we did stuff over a period of time. most of the time not by choice just did not want to lose any friends others because it was a little fun. This is the only incident I am recording
Age 12
I spent the night one night at Cory's we stayed up all night playing video games- NES we played soltice all night long. We drank so much coffee and ate so many MRE's it was not funny. That morning we helped Cory's father deliver newspapers and as soon as we got back home I threw up all over the van. Later that day we found a grenade in the canyon never detonated. We carried it back towards Cory's house in my shirt(the canyon was right behind Cory's house) We told hs parents that we found it in the slope behind his house. Bomb squad was called then we had to tell the truth.
5th Grade I went to Santa Margarita right there on base. My teacher was Mrs. Haggerty. I remember learning about the slave trade in History. We roped off areas with tape to demostrate the area of space these slaves had to themselves. It was very cramped. I remember Times test, where you had to master multiplication tables in a certain time period. I remember reading 100 Dresses and the Witch of Blackbird Pond. Also 5th grade was my first introduction to sex education. I loved to play 4 square at recess.
6th grade went to two different schools 1st part of the year Jefferson Middle school and second part of the year to Washington Middle school. We will concentrate on Jefferson for now. At Jefferson (mascot falcons) I was in cross country and I also played the sax. Jefferson I had my first Middle School crush Rebecca Chasee. I think she liked me two. We would always exchange trinkets with one another and always hung out together. At lunch we played handball and we and our clique of people who hung out together. A few other guys and this kid in the wheelchair, wish I could remember his name, but we had our group. I also remember playing the sax at lunch upperclassmen, 7th and 8th graders would toss money inmy case to get me to shut up. I took the money but I did not shut up.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
July 11, 2006
I start this journal with the intent of recording daily life. I start this journal with a story of stupidity one i find humor in anyways. Yesterday about 6pm I wiped out on my friend Josh's bike (moped). I went to brake, i ended up hitting the gas and turned at the same time throwing me off the bike. The bike suffered a few scratches nothing major. However me on the otherhand suffered a bruised hip, couple of cuts on the elbow, and a really bad sprained ankle. We had a great FHE at Bishop Hoopes house for the single ward. Joe my roommate and a few others jumped off Bishop Hoopes rock wall into the pool. My friend Josh hit it off with Elizabeth, my roommate chase's ex. I tried to hold out until today to go to the doctor however by 10pm yesterday I could not move my foot or put any pressure on it for it really hurt.
Today I went and saw the Testaments at the Visitor Center here in St. George even though I have seen it many times. It is a great day everyday when we are in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
Oh btw I am on crutches.
Today I went and saw the Testaments at the Visitor Center here in St. George even though I have seen it many times. It is a great day everyday when we are in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
Oh btw I am on crutches.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
20 May 2006
I continue to think of myself as a perpetual sphere. I say this because i feel that everything i do, say, or feel somehow reacts with everything and everyone around me. I am becoming somewhat of a spiritual person. Searching for my cause and what is not necessarily known to be the truth. Questioning everything that has determined the outcome of who and what I am. Thus forth helping me to come into contact with those i have not met and those in which i see only in my dreams! For only within my hidden dreams will you see what i call the "animus".
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Endowment
Personal Endowment- St. George, Utah Temple
The temple is all about symbolism, a sacred place that can not be put into words or described. The whole time you are there, there is a special calming and indescribable feel that allows you to be in total reverence for the House of the Lord. I received my garments that will serve as a shield of protection and a reminder of my covenants made to Heavenly Father. Also the biggest and one of the most important covenants made is the covenant of Chasity- remaining pure until marriage. To break any covenant would be a mockery of God
The lesson I learned: Any ordinance we perform for the glorification of the kingdom is sacred, some even more sacred then others, sacred nonetheless. We perform the ordinances that they maybe perfect for the Lord is perfect and deserves nothing less.
The temple is all about symbolism, a sacred place that can not be put into words or described. The whole time you are there, there is a special calming and indescribable feel that allows you to be in total reverence for the House of the Lord. I received my garments that will serve as a shield of protection and a reminder of my covenants made to Heavenly Father. Also the biggest and one of the most important covenants made is the covenant of Chasity- remaining pure until marriage. To break any covenant would be a mockery of God
The lesson I learned: Any ordinance we perform for the glorification of the kingdom is sacred, some even more sacred then others, sacred nonetheless. We perform the ordinances that they maybe perfect for the Lord is perfect and deserves nothing less.
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